#so here's a titanic tangent for today!

[asheanon]

While the Ethereal Genome concept has yet to be tidied up, I would like to take the time to finally write out that aforementioned "little something" regarding Terra, Garland and Ethereals.

(The one perk to this having taken this long is I actually have even more to write here! That being said, this one is pretty sizeable. I highly advise not clicking that little "read more"/"keep reading" bit unless you're fully committed!)

To begin, we'll start with talking Terra. Terra, on its universal pursuit for answers as well as other planets and their crystals, making use of their magical "fusion" art to try to elude the "decay" all the while, acquired energy sources as needed along the way to fuel their travels. One of these energy sources happened to be Etherealism - namely, remnants of it. As novel as I make Etherealism out to be, honestly, you can find it in various shapes and sizes all throughout the cosmos. And because they are comprised of energy (and are spectral entities as well, which have more or less been confirmed as an energy source in various Final Fantasy worlds. Shout out to fantastical fossil fuels!) these remnants proved quite successful as fuel.

However, they weren't merely reduced to fuel as they did in fact prove quite fascinating (and they were looking for answers to their crisis any and everywhere, of course!) They were initially taken in as a subject of study as well, but their research only really boomed when more complex forms of Etherealism (something more than these inexplicable fragments of light, ions and mysterious soul-like matter just floating around like space debris) were encountered.

Now, as for why I decided Terra shares some notable history with Etherealism in this story, there are quite a few reasons for that...

▫️ The Desert Palace

Look, it's the room I constantly keep forgetting about! Therapeutically forcing myself to acknowledge its existence today. 😎

Once I realized the likelihood of Kuja kidnapping any number of the "main cast" at one point or another for any duration of time throughout this story was notable, I knew I was going to have to better arm him as well as the palace itself to hold them hostage.

Why do that? Well, I have a story to write and it lends itself to the storytelling! Look, they'll be fine.

As the plot currently stands, there's at least one Ethereal in the party and detaining them is no easy task. Not only can they spook their way around a little bit here and there, but they're dangerous and have the potential to just destroy everything if things get heated (quite literally) and they feel threatened. Now, you could argue that they might hesitate when it comes to being destructive, given other lifeforms being present and not wanting to harm them - plus, even in the case of going ghost mode, they couldn't help out their friends that way. However, spoiler alert: at least one of those Ethereals may not care about saving friends, so... playing on their emotions isn't enough to keep them all in, sadly. It'd work on only one of them. Which isn't enough for me..!

So, I felt Ethereal countermeasures should be considered - and I figured these countermeasures could be made possible if Ethereal research had already been integrated into Terra's history - at least enough to where, to some extent, they knew how to contain it and subdue it. The more I thought about it, I realized it actually was more than possible for them to encounter Etherealism during their cosmic travels of yore. So, I decided to roll with the idea!

Seriously, they'll be fine. Trust me!

▫️ The Ethereal Genome

So... with every cosmic horror comes the horror element, right? And Ethereals easily fall into a cosmic horror category!

If there's anything we've learned from the genre, making use of an alien body in any capacity can prove volatile, yielding both grand discoveries and tragic consequences... (Once again, I'll make an FFVII comparison: they essentially did this with Jenova; just imagine the Terrans did something similar with Ethereals in this particular story. Kind of.)

Among the consequences of handling Etherealism was one of its most toxic traits: Ethereal radiation...

Countless Terrans were lost to this silent, but deadly long term killer before a more viable safety protocol was established. Protocol that was able to be passed on to Garland once he was created, who would proceed to elaborate upon it himself. For many - and I mean m a n y - years, Garland was successful when it came to working with Etherealism. However, there was still room for error. Particularly when the creation of Genomes began. One singular Genome, one singular encounter with improperly contained Etherealism and a whole lot of luck (or lack thereof) later... rather than the discovery of a lesser Genome slowly expiring, one would be made of one slowly being "infected" by Etherealism.

This lesser Genome became a harbinger of many future Genome deaths. She grew to eventually be a source of this Ethereal radiation, a contaminant allowed to walk free, unknowingly poisoning her own kind as they just as unknowingly allowed themselves to be - until those radiation levels were detectable/detected by the systems in place and their source able to be singled out.

When Garland finally became aware of this, rather than doing what some may consider reasonable (such as attempting to terminate her and/or casting her out of Terra) he decided to do what any of the more scientifically-driven or the cliché "mad scientist" sort would do: cut his losses for the sake of the learning opportunity at hand. There was no way he could literally throw that away. And so, he contained this Genome as he would any other Ethereal remnant.

In containment, she remained for a very long time as well. For study and for safety. While containment method was the same, the study was a little more complex than what would be applied to your "average" Ethereal remnant. (A bit like keeping a venomous snake, studying its venom, hoping to develop an antivenom, etc. That and things of the like.)

One day, however, after Kuja has his "little" meltdown in the main FFIX storyline and destroys Terra, she would finally be freed from containment. Cast from a state stasis, essentially - energy deprivation - and no explanation just to be immediately subjected to all this radiation and energy from the overly-abundant use of Ultima and the chain effect of the Iifa Tree going haywire (remember the mist tangent and me talking about how wild of a ride it can be for Ethereals to encounter and especially intake? Keep that in mind) this makes for a very Not Great™��� experience for this little Genome gal.

Despite the chaos of it all, however, she does manage to make it out! To the Shimmering Isle, where she hardly makes it beyond the now dead portal, huddling up, curling into a little ball somewhere amidst its edifices. Tormented and traumatized (even more.)

While this Genome bears the usual stoic to be expected from her kind, because of her Etherealism, she did actually have time to grow a little bit, in a way - or at least the Ethereal part of her did - just enough to grant her the ability to think and feel things outside of the usual lesser Genome range. Just enough to be troubled by the things that happened to her, on some level. 🥲

I would like to note one little detail here: I've taken a bit of a lore dive with Terra and Genomes, yes, but nothing too dreadfully deep, so... I will confess, I'm not actually all that sure if the lesser Genomes would have names! They were essentially vessels without souls - once given a soul, they would be given an identity by extension. In that respect, I formulated the headcanon that these guys have no identity until that transpires.

If that is incorrect, I'll be more than willing to make that correction. 💙 Until then, though, that is the lore!

The Ethereal Genome technically bears no name until later in the story, having earned it outside of Terran means. She eventually is named "Yoko." (Given that Mikoto's name is Japanese in origin, I thought I'd play off of that and have Yoko's name also share some Japanese roots! One of "Yoko's" various meanings translates to "sun child" or "child of the sun," which I thought was more than appropriate for an Ethereal kid.) ☀️

▫️ The Treasure Map

(God bless "treasure map" stock imagery. I didn't need an image, but I wanted one since the other two had some... hahaha!)

Lastly, but not least-ly! Has a little bit to do with that silly little map and the treasure hunt escapade it forges as well. There is Terran symbology and Ethereal reference alike made among the many associated puzzles and clues.

Why exactly this is, I'm still admittedly brainstorming, so I can't quite go into too much detail with this point yet. However, the connection in cryptography is definitely there. I still feel it's worth mentioning, in that respect! It could very well be a point I return to and elaborate upon someday in the future as I have the previous ones. 🤔

(Of which, I will say that's how Kuja got sucked into the whole thing and what ultimately leads to taking the main gang hostage too! I'll leave the full story for later or for an actual bit of story that may be written in the future, though.)

[thecollectionsof]

Happy astromonday!!

Today I wanted to talk more on Saturn and about his satellites!! I want to talk about what I think are two of the most intriguing.

Titan (left) is the second-largest moon in our solar system (bigger than Mercury), discovered in 1655, and is the only one out of over 150 known to have a dense atmosphere since the 1940s. Part of the Voyager I mission launched in 1977 was specifically to explore it. And Voyager I's readings showed a high possibility of there being lakes on Titan's surface!! The Cassini mission landed the Huygens probe on Titan in 2005, and this probe found liquid methane, and it is thought there is an ocean of liquid water under the crust!!

The small moon Enceladus (right), while not the best-known of Saturn's moons, is an intriguing satellite. Discovered in 1789 by Herschel (who also discovered Uranus), he orbits in Saturn's E ring, much closer to Saturn than Titan.

Enceladus has fewer impact craters than other moons, and the Cassini mission found hydrothermal activity under the icy crust, with geysers of water shooting up, most of the liquid falling back to Enceladus as ice. The ice explains why he has no impact cratering and also why he is so reflective. But also water that doesn't fall back to him, actually forms the E-Ring of Saturn!! Enceladus is such an interesting moon, because while not a shepherd moon, he contributes to the E-ring in a unique way!!

I have a question for you this week!! Is there a deity (from any mythology) that you'd like to see a satellite named after? What characteristics would this satellite have in common with the deity?

I hope you have a fantastic day!! 🪐

happy astromonday !!! okay i always read these with my roommate (which is why i usually do them so late) and this time i knew i don't know enough about deities or space things to answer so!! here's how my roommate answers the question <3

Off the top of my head, I can't think of a satellite, but as astronomers and astrophysicists make a push on figuring out where planet X is, I think it should be named Persephone. It evens out the gender imbalance in our solar system and if Pluto can't be a planet than he'd love if his wife was. On a tangent an interesting deity is Melinoë, is a chthonic nymph who I think deserves more recognition. (that being said I think all chthonic deities deserve more recognition, though it wouldn't match the roman naming scheme we have for our planets and their satellites, or the naming scheme of having satellites names be connected to their planet (Enceladus being one of the giants born to Saturn and Gaia, or Jupiter's moons being named after his lovers))

so yeah!! hopefully that makes more sense to you than it does to me, i think just about all of it went over my head. but i hope you had a great day today !!!!

[lore-olympus-saga]

Some thoughts on Lore Olympus (#1)

I had those wondering thoughts after I saw the tumblr of @nymphsupremacy and how they talked about Zeus’s characters. To be fair, it was refreshing to see someone who liked Minthe and Zeus because I also found them interesting (and their art is also really great, but that’s another subject)

When you go into the tag of LO you can very easily fall on people who bashed those characters and it tends to put me off looking thought the tag  because I really love those characters, especially Minthe. (even if her actions aren’t good, I admit, but she was a complex character and there was so much more to her than just being Persephone’s rival)

Anyway this is not today’s debate. Back to Zeus. SO, I’m not an anti Lore Olympus but I do like to nitpick details that bugs me in a comic/story/show so here I am. (after all I did a side-blog for LO so why not do some ranting post amongst other things)

 As of right now, I wanted to talk about how Zeus' character in the webtoon is being bashed quite harshly especially concerning his relationship with Hera.

We’re not going to be hypocrites, cheating is bad but Rachel Smythe didn’t paint Hera as guiltess from what I’ve read and I’m slightly sad she didn’t explicitly make their relationship more complex. 

In the earlier chapters, Hades and Hera shared a kiss when Hera was tending Hades’s wounds when he was freed of Kronos. After they won against the Titan, Hera showed again more trust or at least, went to Hades for comfort. 

(Also, Hades says at this point that Zeus wasn’t traumatized like the rest of them and that is something else I thought was of bad taste for his character. Trauma doesn’t have to be physical to have impact, and it would have been interesting to see how Zeus dealt with the war and the responsibility of being one to lead them against Kronos (that, that doesn’t things, bad shit, to a person)

My question is (after going off on a tangent, sorry about that) then as follows. Did Hera ever loved Zeus? It is obvious she had attraction for both brothers, she even cheated on Zeus with Hades so why did she accept to marry Zeus?

Let’s see it this way: What if Zeus was aware that Hera preferred or had an attraction for his brother. What if it never left her, this yearning for another, and Zeus could see that she’ll never truly love him. In a very poor life choice, this makes him turn towards cheating. Worsening his relationship with his wife. As someone who loves complicated characters it never sits well for me when there's these little bits of character development spread around but are then forgotten by the majority (maybe that’s just me! But I see a lot of people bitching on Zeus and I’m like “Meh, he’s a cheater but Hera isn’t that great either when you think about it.”) It would have been a better depiction of a toxic relationship where both are hurting each other, making their own mistakes and not being able to find a middle ground. I mean, imagine an episode in couple-therapy talking about they’re issues, it would have been more interesting for both their characters.

Hera could have chosen to follow Hades. Or could have refused to be the Queen of Olympus as Zeus' wife. In Hades words “Zeus offered her to be the Queen of the Gods. And who could refuse that” (I think that’s what he said, I… There’s a lot of chapters and I didn’t check it word for word, mea culpa) Sure it wouldn’t fit with the whole Greek mythology narrative and I’m not there to tell RS that she should have written it any other way. I’m slightly more put out by the bias there is against some characters.

Oh my gosh this was very long, sorry about that, I tried my best to make it short but I hope you find these thoughts interesting anyway or worth reading, thanks for taking time for reading and have a nice day. :)

[phantomwarrior12]

Stubborn Distractions

He's asleep.

Finally.

After today, they weren't sure if he'd ever fall asleep. From the moment the two of them stepped foot in their home, Zavala had been anxious and distracted. This isn't the first time they've seen him like this, but never to this extreme. Never to the point where his eyes found the horizon and hadn't left it for a solid hour.

They had intended to leave him alone. They had intended to let him process and gradually come back around to them. They were prepared for it to take awhile but when Eris checked in after two hours, they told her of his state and her orders were clear.

Distract him.

So, they'd done just that. 

They'd taken his hand, guided him away from the window and pushed him down onto the couch. They set about removing his armor and although he protested, insisting he was more than capable, they gently reminded him it was time to rest.

Armor was removed then, slowly, gently. It was placed by the door and they set about making him a cup of tea.

While water heated, they returned to his side and summoned the only smile they could manage. His head didn't lift, his eyes distant once more and their features hardened. 

Sharp eyes darted for a suitable distraction and hope ignited when they found the book on the coffee table. They snatched it up and took a step closer to hold it out.

Vibrant blue slowly blinked and refocused on the outstretched volume. 

It was a routine of theirs. Every so often, Zavala would read to them at night, the Guardian tucked beneath his arm and comfortable against his chest. 

His voice is their favorite sound. Always so calm and soothing. They'd spend the following morning going over the chapter, discussing and analyzing but there was always some teasing - one of them usually fell asleep toward the end of the chapter. It's become a toss up as to which.

"Not tonight, Guardian." He said gently, taking the book but setting it back on the table.

Their shoulders sagged but the Commander reached for them, taking one of their hands and gently guided them down into his lap. They tried to remind him of the teapot heating but he was reluctant to let them escape back to the kitchen.

Instead, their Ghost shut off the stove. Instead, the Titan Vanguard held the Guardian close and laid his head on their shoulder.

It's where they find themselves now, an hour later, maybe. They are still seated in his lap, still bound in his arms but his breathing has steadied against the side of their neck.

Their fingers had begun to wander, massaging along tense tissue in his neck and despite the rigidness of tendons, Zavala did not stir.

They kiss his shoulder gently, closing their eyes as their head comes to settle against his.

They're sure his mind is still reeling, haunting him through his dreams. Perhaps a distraction? Perhaps his mind can focus on something else, some outside input.

Their mind scrambles for a suitable thing to tangent about but…poetry. Zavala enjoys reading it and the Guardian has been borrowing old records from Lord Shaxx.

Shakespeare, they think. They'd committed some to memory, having intended to recite some one of these nights to impress him. 

Now is as good a time as any.

Their voice is soft when they begin. Uncertain, even. The words tumble off their tongue but there is no feeling to them.

That's not right.

They begin again. This time clutching their partner a fraction tighter against them, whispering the words with a sort of eagerness and a fragment of emotion. There are so many that address something so complicated as love, affection, soul mates even. 

But none suit a hell like this.

Still, they recite. Softly. Affectionately. Still, their voice rises a fraction and the words come easier. The emotions resounding.

But they keep themselves quiet for fear of waking him.

Hours tick by, sonnets flow here and there until their own eyes grow heavy and they start to sag against him.

"Those are well recited, Guardian." 

His voice startles them and they jolt upright.

He chuckles softly as he leans back, but even his laugh sounds sad. Their eyes search his own, suddenly alert and intrigued and mildly embarrassed.

"...I thought you were asleep," they admit sheepishly.

He smiles, head angling a fraction as he reaches up, cradling their face. "I did, here and there. Perhaps it's time you read at night."

Their face flushes and their eyes dart to anywhere but his. The Guardian’s head shakes, taking his hands in their own.

"...I realize why you started to recite," he begins softly, "I imagine none of this is easy on you–"

"It's not about me, Zavala." They say firmly, "I'm here and I will help anyway I can."

He takes a deep breath, shifting his gaze to the window, "These are feelings I've push down for a long time. Entire lifetimes spent.. submerged and drowning while simultaneously, resisting and fighting." Sharp blue sweeps back up to their steady gaze. "How can I ask you to–"

"You needn't ask anything," they interject with a soft smile. 

"No, I suppose not." He relents, squeezing their hands. 

"Would you tell me about them? Your family?" They ask tentatively.

"One day. But not now."

They nod, squeezing his hands before pushing themselves up and out of his lap. "The bed will be more comfortable for rest."

"Guardian, I–"

Their brow arches, their head tilting as they hold a hand out expectantly. They want him to realize he won't win this argument because he's already lost.

He pauses, looking from the outstretched appendage to their eyes. They hold his gaze and eventually, his fingers slip into theirs.

"Very well, Guardian. You win…this time."

They help him up with a triumphant smirk all the same, entwining their fingers.

It's a matter of minutes before the two of them are comfortably in bed. The Guardian’s forehead resting against the Titan Vanguard's. Sleep comes easily to them both and they pray his dreams are pleasant ones.

They'll be there regardless.

They love him too much not to.

-----------------

Taglists are open! Send an ask/leave a comment to be added!

Forevers: @halo-2 @reaped-winnower @forgotten-by-the-stars @sugarcoated44 @cayde-6 @avrosaetos

[shauds-archived]

Jason and Danny Chase are friends? What issues was this established in? Pre-Crisis? The only time I know of where Danny ever talked about Jason was when the Titans came back from that mission on Tamaran and found out he had died. And Danny was really insensitive towards his death while Dick cried his eyes out even though he barely knew Jason post-Crisis.

It's from NTT #52:

And all we really have regarding a friendship between Jason and Danny specifically is this, where Jason is already dead. So we know they were in contact and familiar enough that Danny had a nickname for Jason (he also called him the Brat Wonder earlier, which I find funny) and that's it.

Unfortunately, Jason's last appearance in NTT was before Danny joined the team, and Danny himself was killed off (via explosion saving everyone else) not long after this.

Also, kind of in defense of Danny, he wasn't as bratty as people today make him out to be. He was going through some stuff here, which Raven picks up on:

Fourteen year old kid gets to be moody when he's used to people dying all around him and now he can't get in touch with his parents who are in a very dangerous profession.

A little earlier in this issue:

Yes, he's moody that he's been left behind, but considering everything it reads more to me that he's stressed, because at this point he can't find any information about a friend he's just found out might be dead, he didn't actually know that until later. This on top of again not knowing if his parents are alive while he's dependant on people he does know don't like him.

It's a lot, and he's only FOURTEEN years old. He's all on his own when he gets kicked out of the Titans later, and he still shows up at the first sign of trouble to help and willingly sacrifices himself to save them.

There are characters who've behaved way worse than Danny and don't get nearly the amount of hate he does. He was a kid and he deserved a lot better than what he got ☹.

Sorry for turning your ask into a tangent, lol, the baby is just one of my favorite characters, and I love him so ❤.

[haldohange]

More brain rot/clowning/copium

Just my analysis and nothing more, I know with only 1 chapter left after what happened in chapter 138, this is about to seem delusional but hear me out if you want some Hange content or inspiration for Headcanon and copium for your psychotherapy

So I've put out a few theories already but one thing I keep coming back to is this tweet no matter what the new chapters keep throwing at us that "Hange is not coming back"

https://twitter.com/ShingekiKyojin/status/1227991506495008770

Translation here:

Now why does Isayama smile and say her name in a friendly respectable way? Why?!!!! Because he had plans to kill her off in 8 months? Or because this tweet was around the time we got chapter 126, a major Levihan chapter?

Anyway, fast forward many months after 132, I'm still thinking there are many details Isym purposefully made weird about Hange's fate.

Then I saw this on twitter today:

WTF!!! These parallels between the shoulder wound and eye wound...I never noticed. And although this Twitter post was jokingly pointing them out, it's not a wrong observation! And THEN I remembered this website made for Season 4 anime some time ago: https://vs.shingeki.tv/

It's a game of "enemy" or "opposites". Such as tea and coffee or dog and cat below:

BUTBUT One of the screen caps looks like this. The words say: Apple in japanese. So what is the question marks above Hanji? My guess is that since Apple is the fruit of sins and temptations in the bible, the opposite is likely Grapes (oh wow it's also Hanji's official color purple and she is often associated with wine in official arts). Aside from my tangent, wine or grapes represents the blood of Jesus. I'm not gonna explain more since I am not completely familiar with religious stories and symbols.

What could it be? sure, you can assume that Hange was the one to bring the Alliance together against the rumbling, but what if there's more.

Lastly, I thought back to the Beast Titan theory most of us Hanji stans had some form of hope in, and noticed that while the parallels between her and Xavier/Zeke were there...maybe that wasn't all to it.

As we know the patterns in personality of the 9 Titans are:

1. Attack: seeks freedom

2. Beast: Intelligence and curiosity

3. Colossal: doubts themselves

4. Jaw: self-sacrificing

5. Founding titan: seeks peace

Unfortunately there isn't enough about the cart, armor, female, and warhammer to find a commonality.

And then you think about Hange, who:

1. Obviously seeks freedom, for herself and others

2. 11/10 on intelligence

3. Doubted herself a great deal as the 14th commander, and we see this very often

4. Sacrificed herself in chapter 132 literally!

5. Brings together the two sides, welcomes them to the island and cooks them stew, let's them eat before she does while she did all the cooking (some Christian last dinner beliefs in here as well, along with the cross symbol she keeps bearing with her thunderspears, you can find out more if you dig in Tumblr or Twitter)

Bonus: check out my Helos and Hange parallel post too.

Bonus 2: credit to other posters, who bring up that her name in Greek means Life, and Hange and Change are similar words lmao ok maybe that's pushing it.

I read somewhere Isym wants an ending we could never have predicted, but if we look back the hints were always there. Can't find the source but either way, that is a reasonable expectation for any story teller's definition of a "good ending". Meaning not necessarily satisfying or happy but can be accepted despite it's unpopularity.

_____________________________________________

What if...just what if. I know Armin is also said to have the same qualities such as freedom and self doubt, intelligence as well...and self sacrifice in Shiganshina...

But just give this Hange theory a thought, and if the final twist proves me right even with with 0.01% chance, then this is my bragging right card (just in case). I am also preparing for the complete opposite ending, which is that her memory shard is never explained and her death was noble but rushed and mocked by Falco suddenly flying and literally having her name brought up twice after her death, and we never get any answers about her gender or backstory okay that's all the ��� #pain

[sad-little-ghost-hunter]

The Professor and The Genie: A Full Breakdown

Welcome one and all to A Comprehensive List of All The Genie Lore In Puppet History, With Theories. If you aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about, go watch all of Puppet History made by @wearewatcher on YouTube and come right back here. No dilly-dallying. For those of you who are, you’re probably also aware of the recurring character of The Genie on the show, whose role has been the subject of much speculation among the show’s audience. I couldn’t find a compilation of references/ theories, so I made one! 

The show, which tells somewhat obscure stories from throughout history, accompanied by a special guest each episode and a musical number at the end of each tale, is hosted by The Professor, a little fuzzy blue puppet, who commonly references The Genie, with whom he holds a deep-rooted grudge. I will be going through all the existing information on this guy so far, and discussing a few theories as to what all this is about. It’s like my very own BuzzFeed Unsolved except I’m just one very bored person with way too much time on her hands. 

Let’s compile all of the currently known information: on April 10, 2020, in the video entitled, “Surviving The Titanic: History's Luckiest Woman • Puppet History” the Genie is first mentioned, at 16:10, in a question about what Violet Jessop saw while peering off of the ship. The answer choice reads, “A Genie??????????????????” 

On August 14, 2020, in the video entitled, “How America’s First Female Detective Saved Abe Lincoln • Puppet History” the Genie again comes up, at 23:04, in a question entitled “What’s the matter?!?”. The answer choice reads, “The secessionists had found a magical genie!” The pattern was starting to emerge. 

On September 4, 2020, in the video entitled “The Disastrous 1904 Olympics • Puppet History” the genie is once again mentioned, at 5:06. The genie is referred to as “fickle” and apparently keeps making things worse, no matter what the Professor says. From this we can gather that the genie may have gone back on some sort of promise he made to The Professor, and is escalating the situation. 

On September 11, 2020, in the video entitled “Isaac Newton's Nemesis • Puppet History” the genie is mentioned in an answer choice at 6:45, reading “A genie that will stop at nothing to make my life a living hell, even though I followed his silly rules to the letter and I don’t owe him anything.” Clearly, things with the genie are only getting worse. The genie is harboring some sort of grudge against the Professor, be it the Professor’s fault or not. The Genie also provided rules for something-- we’ll return to this later.

On September 18, 2020, in the video entitled, “The World’s Greatest/ Rudest Samurai • Puppet History”, The Genie once again comes up in the answer choices at 24:52, as “A genie who insists I owe him, and I wish I had a wish left so I could wish Musashi were here to teach him a lesson.” Once again, we see evidence that the Professor may have made some sort of deal with this genie, and whether or not he fulfilled his end of the bargain is still up in the air.

On September 25, 2020, in the video entitled “Policarpa: The Revolutionary Teen Spy • Puppet History”, the Professor makes not one but three references to the genie! We get so much lore here! First up, at 1:05, Ryan Bergara asks The Professor how old he really is. The Professor responds with this: “Yeah, you know, you start jumping around in time and things get a little funky…”. Just a few seconds later, the Professor says, “Well, if you could ask the subject of today’s story, which, how could I, it's not like you can just wish to be able to time travel…“ The pain in his voice here is apparent, devastating, and very real. Lastly, later on in the video at 20:05, The Professor gives the following answer choice to the question, “What happened?” (to Policarpa). The choice reads, “A magical genie meddled once again with history, and turned Policarpa in, and tried to pin the blame on a bespectacled puppet, who is at this point starting to suspect he may have made a deal with the devil.” Now here’s where things get real interesting. The Professor is now alleging that not only is the Genie out to get him, but the Genie is actually influencing history. 

On October 2, 2020, in the video entitled “The Grisly Journey of the Donner Party • Puppet History”,  The Professor goes on a longer than usual tangent about the genie at 18:38, saying, “He had cached a trove of treasured items, including a magical lamp that only a creature about the size of a human hand could get to, and inside the magical lamp was a Genie, capable of granting any wish, up to and including turning a seemingly everyday item into a secret time machine, but that if you wished for that, THE GENIE WOULD BE A TOTAL PRICK ABOUT IT, SO MAYBE BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.” The genie appears in a short montage of clips, with the professor’s above monologue in the background. The genie shown is just Shane in eyeliner and an Aladdin-style genie costume, cackling and looking mischievous. The professor rubs the lamp in the skit, and the genie does that evil villainous hand thing, and casts some sort of spell. There’s a lot to break down. First up, we may have gotten a glimpse into the Professor’s actual past here. It seems as though at some point in his life he was either told about, or found out about this cache of treasure deep in the mountains, that only a creature about the size of a human hand could get to. This is important because it debunks one of the most popular theories circulating the internet right now-- that the Genie somehow turned the Professor into an immortal, time-traveling puppet. The Professor was clearly already a puppet, as he had access to this treasure trove. Next we get the part about the time-machine. If we can assume that the Professor is projecting his past experiences onto the poor guests on this show, we can surmise that the Professor used his wish to wish for one of his ordinary objects to turn into a secret time machine. We will delve more into this later. 

Finally, on December 25, 2020, in the video entitled “The Story of St. Nicholas • Puppet History”, The Professor goes on another rant about the Genie in the answer choices, saying “The same curse that eventually befalls all of God’s creatures-- an evil genie was pursuing him through time and space to steal something the genie himself had made magical!” From this we can gather that, after the Professor wished for his time machine, the Genie gave him some rules and conditions he had to agree to. The Professor may have broken these, hence why the Genie is pursuing him across time and space. 

Now that we have all the existing information, assuming I didn’t miss anything, let’s get into the theories. 

My current, working theory is that The Professor happened across this lamp somewhere deep in the mountains, and wished for a Time Machine from the Genie inside. The Genie (who appears malevolent in the Professor’s flashback, but I’m gonna chalk that up to personal bias) agreed, but gave the Professor some conditions and rules to follow regarding the Time Machine. The Professor agreed, and promptly broke these rules. The Genie then demanded something in return-- This could be the Time Machine itself, but given Shane’s twisted mind I would assume the Professor owes the Genie something more. Perhaps… his soul?

Or maybe just a fine, I don’t know.

The Professor refused to pay up, possibly time traveling away to hide from the Genie, and is now on the run. A fuzzy blue fugitive. But, the Professor also mentioned that the Genie actually meddles with history, and tries to get the puppet in trouble for stuff he didn’t do. This begs the question; why would the Genie resort to a relatively harmless source of mischief to target the Professor, instead of just taking whatever is owed to him? This almost implies that whatever it is the Professor owes the Genie has to be given willingly. Hence, why the Genie is making his life “a living hell”. 

The puppet also seems to be immortal, or at least old enough to not remember how old he is. In his words, time is “funky” when you travel around it too much. 

We also don’t know which of the Professor’s objects could be the Time Machine. Some have speculated (some being me) that it’s his satchel, or hat. But, when you think about it, it seems most likely that it’s actually the theatre itself. The Theatre does often seem to transport you back in time to the actual stories, although that could just be Watcher’s killer editing skills. Either way, the Time Machine seems to be a source of great trouble for the puppet, so maybe just… get rid of it?

There are 2 main schools of thought here, in my own opinion. The idea that the Genie is in the wrong, and is relentlessly torturing this poor Professor for no good reason, or the idea that the Genie is actually justified in his anger at the Professor, and that the Professor brought this on himself. 

Theory #1: The Genie is a malevolent entity, and tricked the Professor into making an unfair deal with him. This is clearly what the Professor himself believes, or wants us to believe. The Professor says, and I quote, “starting to suspect he may have made a deal with the devil.” If this is true, and the Professor is actually on the run from the Devil himself, then that would imply that the Professor sold his own soul for this time machine, the most commonly referenced deal with the devil. However, since that would be a little far-fetched even for Shane (although, let’s be real- would it?) we could go with the second option- the Genie is just a Genie, but he did trick the Professor into making a bargain with him, and the Professor still believes he has held up his own end of the deal. 

Theory #2: The Genie is just doing his job, and the Professor’s the one at fault. Now I don’t want to take any sides here, but this does seem to be the most plausible theory. Even the Professor, on several occasions, has implied a set of rules that he agreed to when he wished for his Time Machine. What these rules were we may never know, but the Genie clearly thinks that he broke them and is now owed something. Historically, in folklore from all over the world, Genies are tricky creatures, and will try to deceive you into wishing for stupid stuff, or agreeing to things that you maybe shouldn’t agree to. However, in almost all cases, if you manage to outsmart them, or keep your word, they will leave you alone. Let’s say The Professor knew what he was getting himself into when he wished for the Time Machine. He agreed to the rules, and he understood that if he broke them he would owe the Genie something. Yet he went ahead with it, and now the Genie is after him. He clearly broke the rules and the Genie is just collecting on his bargain.  

All in all, we don’t have enough information yet to actually know what this Genie’s DEAL is (see what I did there). Is the Genie an evil being trying his very best to ruin the unlucky Professor’s life? Or is the Professor the one who wronged the Genie, breaking his word and escaping via Puppet TARDIS? The answer will remain… Unsolved.

[popculturebuffet]

Sonic Christmas Blast Review: Loveably Insane Sonic Nonsense.. so Adventures as Usual (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Ho ho ho all you holly jolly people! I’m jake, I review stuff and things, and today I got a super sonic present for ya’ll courtsey of one of my patreons Emma Fici. If you too would like to join my patreonload of freedom fighters and request some sonic or other half hour episodes of cartoon, just hop on here

MY PATREON

Here you can find way past cool exclusive reviews and a free review on signup all for one dollar a month and five dollar backers get a guaranteed review every month. So please speed keed and sign up today!

This is the second time Emma’s thrown me into the Sonic Pool, the first being with the three part pilot to sonic underground. So it’s fitting our next visit is another piece of the DIC trilogy of sonic classics (and underground) The Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog and it’s series capping christmas special, Sonic Christmas Blast

Adventures holds the distinction of being the only Sonic cartoon I saw more than a handful of times growing up. I dropped out of X quickly, I saw SATAM, good as it was, sporadically (Though It was still part of my young adult life via reading about it and it’s spirtal succesor in the archie comics). Adventures, while not a childhood staple or antyhing was one I saw replayed decently and sought out loving sonic. 

As an adult having only seen a handful of eps.. it’s an incredibly simple but harmless and fun cartoon. One that uses screwball comedy, a literal mustache twirling villian who also likes to get naked or near naked way more than i’m comfortable with, useless bumbling comedy sidekicks he never murders, and a couchphrase spouting hero with a kid sidekick. It’s the platonic ideal of a late 80′s early 90′s show, for better or worse. It dosen’t hit the height of other 90′s comedies like Tiny Toons or Animaniacs that can also get silly but are self aware enough for it to work, but it’s still a decent show. 

It’s also why i’ve never quite gotten the volcanic hatred of it. I get that a lot of it’s comparing it to SATAM, the other sonic show at the time which is better. But.. here’s the thing..

No really. If you don’t like this cartoon fine. But it didn’t impact SATAM any nor lead to it’s cancelation. You can have a goofy silly version of something and a serious version side by side. For example I don’t like Teen Titans GO! but it’s not because i’ts goofier but because it’s not funny, dosen’t try half the time despite having the whole dc unvierse at it’s fingertips (something the original didn’t), has gone on so long and prevents another titans show for kids from getting made.  So if you don’t like Adventures for being what it is fine, it’s not the best show ever, but if you don’t like it because “SATAM was better your missing the point. 

Now i’m done with that little tangent, onto this little oddity. Sonic Christmas blast came out three years after this series finished it’s run, as had SATAM sadly been canceled by this time, and even stranger it brings in a few elements from SATAM for no paticular reason despite still being thorughly adventures at it’s core. It’s also, like it’s parent series, throughly weird, so let’s dive into that weird puddle of christmas goo shall we after the cut?

So we open with a fun unique opening that as it turns out uses footage from the special itself. Some of these are spoilers but most are harmless without context, and it works well, and the adventures theme as always slaps. It’s a nice mix of looney tunes zanyniess and sonic sound. Sonic honestly HASN’T had a bad theme song in his shows i’m aware of. Even Boom’s short and sweet theme is pretty great. Maybe the upcoming series will fuck it up but I somehow doubt that, so to put my money where my mouth is if the theme to Sonic Prime isn’t at LEAST good, I will review Mobius: 25 years later, Ken Penders agonizingly long prospective future for our heroes. I do not threaten to inflict that on myself lightly but I stand by my words. The die is cast.

So our special proper begins as a football headed kid, sadly not the one we all want it to be as his mom isn’t lost in central america, waits ot hear santa give an announcment from a giant blade runner style monitor. Ah I fondly remember Santa’s monitor announcments.. it’s a yearly treat to watch him shotgun several bottles of whisky and mutter you fucking people on a big screen while we all get frostbite. 

But this year he instead has an announcment instead of a hangover as he announces he’s retiring and passing his hat and boots over to ... and brace yourself here... ROBTNIK CLAUS.

I’d ask why he’s half naked but one of adventures robotnik’s main character trait is “wearing outfits too small for him”. The other is “scarring us for life with the sight of his shaven, unshapley gut. And thi sisn’t even the most strippery he’s looked. Gaze in horror one and all at this

Hey if I gotta be scared for life, so do you. Merrry Christmas! Fun fact, my friend Mars owns an animation cell of a half naked robotnik. Why? 

Or mad persons in this case, but the point is their kinda nuts and I love them for it. 

So Robotnik Claus, with Scratch and Grounder as his cheering section, announces he’s taking over and it’ll be fine... he promises

Spoilers: he would as at Stacey’s department store, nice to see in the sonic universe Gwen Stacey is not only alive but a mogul good for her, he has the parents all buy gifts for him and has the kid from earlier tell him what he’s getting robtonik claus. The kid punches him so Robotnik doe sthe rational thing.. and has the kid carted off to his child slavery factory to make stuff for him. 

So we finally get to sonic a few minutes in and he’s talking to.. Princess Sally. 

Yeah Sally’s in this, despite having never been in adventures up to this point. I mean she is in her earlier pink design so this is clearly an alternate one but this special WEIRDLY brings in elements of SATAM. Why?

There’s no real reason for it, this plot would work fine without them, just give sonic some other girl of the week for this plot, but for some reason no a lot of the action takes place in a more city like and less horrifying distopia version of robottroplis, Sally is here and Robtonik even has swatbots. They look ungodly weird because adventures, but he has them. I swear if underground were underaround we’d have Sonia and Manic here alongside tails. 

This Sally is also weirdly silent. given her take charge nature and steadfast will are integral to the character it’s weird seeing her instead treated like future maggie simpson. At any rate Sonic wants to get her a ton of presents as they agreed on no presents this year. But of course last year they also did and Sonic didn’t get her anything while she got him this neat plot convience ring. Because WOMEN THEY NEVER SAY WHAT THEY MEAN AMIRITE FELLAS?

This cliche really sticks in my craw: Sometimes when someone ASKS to not be given a present they MEAN not to be given a present. Simple as that. This isn’t some mystic gendered code hackned writers, it’s just people of all genders are complicated. People sometimes hide things or play games and this sexist sterotype that women soley do that annoys the hell out of me. 

Anyways, so Sonic goes super sonic shopping only to find all the stores empty and soon spots Scratch and Grounder and a bunch of “Swat bots”, rounding up presents and taking things from people. For those who haven’t seen adventures Scratch and Grounder are your standard robotnik sidekicks and the two I feel are the template for future ones like Sleet and Dingo or Orbot and Cubot, contrasting ones like Snively, that agent guy or Grimer who have more agency and competence. The two dumbases aren’t lacking though as theyt ake a guys house since he has nothing else. 

Sonic hears them mention robotnikclaus and finds things are fishy with empty stores the day before christmas.. forgetting that’s how they usually look the day before christmas.. and you know the entire term robtonik claus. Try calling yourself that you’ll end up on some sort of watchlist. 

So Sonic finds the kid from earlier and gets filled in on things and rightfully thinks Robtonik is up to something... and Scratch and grounder confrim it by coming up to him in a FREAKING TANK. Robotnik.. you had TANKS all this time.. and you thought a car with a drill up front was the better choice. No wonder you always loose man, get it together. 

But this being robotnik instead of just haing a gun it has a crane strapped to it with a spiked box that nearly whallops sonic... until he you know dodges and gets the kid and tails out of the way because he’s THE FASTEST THING ALIIIIVEEEE. 

They also made the dumbass mistake of telling Sonic the robot santa was fake, and sonic murders botht hem and robo santa.. then puts on a disguise for some reason to fool them despite not really NEEDING to this time.. or any time come to think of it, but it never stopped him before. 

So Scratch and Grounder go to tell Robotnik of their fuck up as he’s having his robots put on ALL THE CHIMNEYS so everyone can give him presents.

I just.. can’t help but love how over the top evil Robotnik is in this series. SATAM robotnik is also pure evil but in a more horrifying, nightmarish way. It’s just hilarious contrasted by the guy next door being so cartoonishly, gloriously evil, doing things for such petty and stupid reasons, that I half expect him to have tied sonic to the railroad tracks at some point. It’s hilarious.

Sonic meanwhile easily saves Santa, making his way through the artcitc cave he’s hidden in which he found because Scratch and Grounder only have half a braincell between them, and then juices him out of there. 

There’s a problem though: While Santa is unkidnapped, ther’es no way he can make the journey for christmas in time now, and even Sonic, fastest thing aliiiiivvvveeeeeee can’t make the round trips it’d take getting the presents back from Robotnik Claus. However luckily sonic has his magic bullshit chekovs gun ring, which is a mystic ring that, when choosing the right wearer (I.e. sonic) can grant it’s user powers but only if they pad out the special with some challenges which sonic does while Scratch and Grounder try to stop him because they have nothing better to do. 

But sonic wins and gains the power of ludicrous speed.. woudl’ve been a good time to give him super sonic but whatever, point is he saves christmas, leaves Robotnik in his underwear, gives the kid and the rest of mobius their presents back and saves christmas. 

So to wrap it up Santa decides Robotnik wasn’t wrong about him needing to retire and thus ENDS THE ADVENTURES CANON BY GIVING SONIC HIS HAT AND MAKING HIM SONIC CLAUS. Yes really.. this..t his is how this timeline ends. If there’s ever a spiderverse style sonic thing, offical or fanmade, I want it FULLY acklnowedged that adventure sonic is santa now. FULLY ACKNOWLEDGE. Anyways sonic claus gives us a merry christmas and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts: This special is nuts and while far from the most insane christmas special I’ve seen is a fun bit of cheese. Gets a bit padded in the last few minutes, but it’s mashing things from satam in that don’t belong, wonderfully silly plot, and bonkers ending make it so bad it’s gravy and worth checking out twice this christmas season. I got one more christmas review in the pipe for you this frosty christmas eve and then i’m out so stay tuned and thanks for reading!

[sasa-gay-yo]

Levi Reassuring You

Request: Here 

Summary: You weren’t a Scout. You weren’t talented in ODM. You’ve never killed anything in your life. You were so unlike her in everyway possible, and you knew Levi knew it too. Why did he pick you? 

Warnings: None, some kissin here and there 

You never knew why he liked you. You seemed to be the opposite of the people he surrounded himself with. You weren’t a Scout, you could barely kill a fly, and you lacked confidence in your ability to even lift a brick. Because you couldn’t rationalize Levi’s feelings for you, you always had those doubts in your mind. Not about him, but about yourself.

Those doubts were exaggerated every time you had to deliver a new round of uniforms or equipment to the Scouts HQ. You would sit there while your father bargained with Erwin, watching this new elite squad fly through the trees. Your eyes would mostly be on Levi, watching him expertly work the ODM gear, but they also trailed off to Petra who was always behind him. She would make jokes with him, talking about titan killing strategies, and was the first to volunteer to do anything for Levi. It made you feel like the lesser one in his life... and you hated that fact that there were two of you. 

On that particular day, the first mistake was allowing you and your father to eat dinner with them. Because you had made such a rushed order, Commander Erwin wished to give thanks in the only way he possibly could. You were even welcomed to sit at the officer’s table to talk about like inside the walls. Levi’s hand dropping underneath the table to gently stroke along your leg, letting you know that he was really there. However, the problem started off as a fun conversation, but soon turned into you seeing every possible fault in your own self. The from earlier in the day came full force. Even when Levi gripped your thigh, trying to get you to look at him, you ignored it. 

“So, (Y/F/N), what else do you do at home? Do you just sew our uniforms together?” It was a simple question from Squad Leader Hange, and it was cute for them to want to know more about your regular, normal life, but in your mind, you went over your hobbies. They killed titans and tried to save humanity in their free time, but you only read books, sometimes baked bread, and attended local commerce meetings with your father. The only thing outside of your normal routine was when Levi showed up to visit you in secret or when he would pull you along to the Scout HQ under the cover of the night. It made you seem so… so miniscule next to them.

“I just live a normal, city life in Trost. Just… normal, yeah.” You looked down to your hand that were sitting in your lap, disregarding Levi’s trying to get your attention so he could see what emotion was running through your eyes. You refused to look up at him for that reason. You didn’t want to talk about it, but you knew that if he saw a problem, he would strive to fix it. Another thing to add to your own downfall list. 

The table was composed of the most elite soldiers in all the Scout regiment, and your father who was lucky to retire out of it. Still, he could tell stories of fighting titans or Shadis that would interest the whole table. Anything you said, you could guess no one wanted to listen to, not even Levi who was subject to it all the time. After you had answered Hange’s question the way you did, there were no more asked to you. You didn’t see that it was because Levi glared at anyone who wanted to mention something to you. He’d seen how you reacted to Hange and knew you didn’t want to talk to anyone, so he was protecting you from that fate. You thought it was because they’d lost interest in you, so you sulked even further. Then, Levi took his hand off of you and that stared the spiral.

Did he find, when he visited you, that your conversation was boring? Were you boring to him? Was he now getting frustrated that you were showing off your plainness to every one else in his squad?

“Captain, when are we doing the obstacle course again? I just want to know how long I have to work up my skills to beat you.” You had missed the conversation they were having at the table, but she spoke up again. You’d witness the obstacle course today, the one where Petra was so close behind him. 

You liked Petra, you really did. She would always greet you and ask you about your day, sometimes even filling you in on the Scouts gossip, but there was always something stirring inside of you whenever she was near Levi. She would help him put his coat on, she was always first in line during their squads training, and before Erwin had offered you the seat next to Levi, she was the one sitting there. You then drew the conclusion that she must always sit there for dinner. More doubt. It wasn’t her fault for harvesting feelings for Levi when she had no idea you two were starting a relationship, but it still hurt.

Yet, Levi never did anything about it, that was the part that hurt the most. He never shrugged her away, not even when he knew you were looking.

It made you think. She was strong and smart and and elite fighter… why not her? Levi wouldn’t have to listen about your boring life in Trost when he could easily talk to her about expeditions or common interests. She was even in the same building as him and they saw each other every day. You were lucky to see Levi twice a week and that was him working hard to carve time out for you. If given the option to choose, you or her, who would he pick?

Obviously, you, dumbass. I already did, didn’t I? Levi’s voice went through your head. You looked at Petra again, laughing between Miche and Oluo. She was beautiful and pretty much perfect for Levi. Why you?

Levi noticed your distress at dinner from the first moment, but he chalked it up to being something about Hange’s tangent of whether or not titans have organs. They had just captured their first titan on the last expedition, and you didn’t know when or how to tell Hange to stop. Maybe you were getting asked too many questions. Levi knew that you didn’t like to talk about yourself that much and they were forcing you to do that since you finally got to stay for more than a thirty minute delivery. That’s why he glared at them to stop. Levi had to do it for you. When dinner was over, you and your father both got up to leave, but since it was late Erwin offered two rooms till the morning. You father had also been drinking, reminiscing too much about his times with Shadis, so to Levi it was logical and welcomed. He wouldn’t have to go get you tomorrow, and you might be able to sneak away to his office for tea or something more. It had been a while since you and Levi were alone together. He remembered the last time he’d snuck away to see you, thinking your father was out at Mitras picking up the textiles for their uniforms, your Aunt was staying over. 

“I can drive the cart back, Commander, it’s fine. You don’t have to kick two people out of their rooms for us.” You waived Erwin off, but he still continued to pushed that you stayed. You knew that Erwin was also offered a look into your relationship, so he probably thought he was helping Levi as well. He argued that the horses were already tired and in the stables, and by the time you have left to Trost, the night guard might be too drunk to let you in. Everything would be better if you waiting in the morning.

Truthfully, you wanted to stay, but you also didn’t want to be in this atmosphere anymore. However, it seemed that Erwin wouldn’t let you, regardless of any excuse you made. He was too much of a gentleman to let a woman go off at night with her inebriated father. He was also set on helping Levi see you. So, you stayed.

Levi wanted you to stay too and was shocked when you had declined Erwin four or five times before you caved. Something was really wrong. You always liked when he took you to the HQ, and now you two wouldn’t have to sneak up and down the stairs evading night watch. What had happened over dinner that changed your attitude? It couldn’t have been just the questions. When you were packing up the boxes in the afternoon, he was able to sneak you away into the training forest to have some alone time and a heated exchange against a tree. He had evidence of that hiding just below his shirt collar. Now, you didn’t even want to stand near him with Erwin was leading you to the extra rooms.

You put your father to bed first, and then went right into the room next to yours. Even if Erwin was still there, Levi almost pulled you to his office so he could see why you were acting that way towards him. It infuriated him he didn’t know what was wrong so he could fix it. He wanted his normal seamstress back. The one that was able to make him laugh for the first time since Isabel and Furlan’s deaths. The one who always hiccupped after he’d kissed your breath away.

“If you need anything, I’m sure Levi will be ever willing to help. His room is just down that hall connected to his office. If it’s urgent, you can wake me up too.” Erwin smiled at you and you returned a fake one back before closing the door to the room. Levi and Erwin just stood there for a second, before Erwin turned to walk back to his office. 

“I don’t think she’s going to let you in tonight. She seemed different at dinner.” Erwin said over his shoulder to Levi who clenched his jaw at the commander. 

“You don’t think I noticed?” He spat back. He was regretting telling him about you two. This was personal business, he didn’t need to make comments about this apparent “fight” you were having. Erwin just walked away as Levi stood there, staring at the dark wood of the door. When were you going to open it for him?

You were just there sitting on the bed, yet to dress into the gown they gave you. Your mind was sabotaging itself, thinking about everything you’d seen Levi and Petra do together. Thinking about how, if you counted the pros and cons, it was Petra over you. It was anyone over you really. You were so boring compared to Levi that it didn’t make sense as to why he was with you. You weren’t skilled in anything other than sewing, unlike him, who was always the best at whatever he did. You couldn’t kill anything, much less a Titan, and you cried at the drop of a hat. Petra, she was skilled, on his elite team of Scouts, she had killed over fifty titans, and you were sure she was strong. Strong in body and in mind. She probably had so much to talk to him about, too. You’d seen her talk to him. With you, he’d just sit there, every time he visited you, a cup of tea in his hand, not saying a word. Was it always because he just couldn’t find anything to say back? You huffed, laying down on your bed.

What did he even see in you when he came into the shop that day? 

You had given him the wrong size uniform, and there weren’t anymore to go around, so he had to trudge his way into Trost and into your shop. His gaze almost scared you as he shoved the too small garment in your hands. You were sure you got his measurements right, but he said the pants were too tight and the cape wasn’t the proper length.

“If you sit here and wait for a bit, I can take out the pants and then make a new cape quickly. Actually, it you’d like to go get lunch, when you come back I can have it ready.”

“No, I’ll sit. I need to make sure you do it right this time.”

Even then, he met you only because of an error you made. You found the order measurements and had given him the wrong pants size. The length of the cape was just a personal preference, but you made sure to write it down on his file. When he sat there in your shop, you talked to him about the most random things to fill your time and the awkwardness he left by staring at you. Even then, he rarely interrupted you or talked unless you prompted him with a question. If you were that boring from the get go, why did he come back more and more until you found yourselves kissing outside of Trost on the grass for the first time?  

“(Y/F/N), it’s me.” You didn’t move to open the door, knowing that he would soon let himself in. A few seconds later, the door opened a bit, the light from the candles lining the outside hallway filtering in. He craned his head around the door, seeing you laying on the bed, and quickly shuffled in, leaning on the wall looking down at you. You turned the other way, on your side, so he could only stare at your back. This made him sigh, but he didn’t move from his place on the wall.

Truthfully, he didn’t know what went wrong for you to ignore him like this. Nothing had ever happened like this before. You would always greet him with a smile, pulling him into your body whenever you could. You would talk to him about your day or week and show him everything you were working on with passion in your eyes. His mind only went to one thing and one thing only: Did you not like him anymore? What had he done? He couldn’t let you try and end things without an explanation.

When Levi first let himself go into your arms, he told himself that if you wanted to end things with him, he’d accept it, no matter how much he hated it. He knew how hard it would be on you to be with him. He’s always gone, always working, and always dancing around with death. He fell for you partly because you didn’t care about that. You didn’t care about how many he’s killed or how broken he was inside. Whenever he went to your shop and sat on his chair, you made him feel important, not because he was a Captain, but because he was a human being. You made him feel human. You gave his world light, but he also knew that he was adding darkness into yours. If it would get to be too much for you, because he loved you, he’d let you go. Levi never wanted to hurt you. So, now that you were hurt, he was preparing for the worst.

“What’s wrong?” He tried to let his voice soften out so you knew he wasn’t upset. Something stirred in you when you heard how soft he was trying to be. It hurt, for some reason, they way he tried to twist and turn himself to react to you.

“Why do you like me?” Mistake number two. You knew Levi had problems expressing himself in that area. He either didn’t say anything, or rushed into something he had no idea how to finish. It took months of you having conversations for him to be comfortable saying your first name, but as soon as you went on a picnic with him, he had you pushed against the grassy meadow outside of Trost, lips locked with yours. Maybe it was the same with letting you go. He didn’t know how to tell you that he didn’t like you anymore.

“What?”  Levi was shocked at your question. Did he really have to tell you? Did he not show you daily how much you meant to him? How you made him feel? Every time he was with you, he had to hold you in some way, whether it be your hand or just touching your arm, you grounded him. When you read to him, he would lay so that he could see your face, reacting to the story and the characters actions in time with the words exiting your mouth. One time, you got so mad, you threw the book to the opposite side of the bed. He’d never had such side-splitting laughter erupt from him before. He thought you saw that. Witnessed the same devotion as he had. Where did he lose you?

“Petra… she’s beautiful, smart, strong, tactical. She’s an amazing soldier and she has confidence. Tonight, at dinner, she kept talking to you and challenging you in training. She’s a Scout and part of your world, but I know nothing about being a Scout or about titans. Why not her?” You could hear his breath catch in his throat. Had you caught him? You curled up in a tighter ball, trying to push down the tears welling in your throat. You felt him sit down next to you, but you didn’t turn around. You didn’t want to face him when he told you the things swirling in your mind. 

Petra. There it was. It was after she challenged Levi to the obstacle course that your feel completely silent. He could pinpoint it now. Even though Petra was a top soldier, he had only seen her as family like the other Scouts. They were apart of his life, but not to the same degree you were. If anything, you were what he lived for. They’re the ones who he helped and who helped him live. They were two different relationships. 

He put one hand on your back, “I don’t like Petra like that. She’s a comrade in arms.” You nodded once at his words, but they didn’t make you feel any better. He wasn’t denying anything you had said previous. When what he said didn’t seem to help, he racked his brain, trying to find something to say. You were the one who said all these things to him, not the other way around. He loved you through action, not through words.

“Do you remember the one time I held you while using ODM through the forest? Your first time off the ground?” You didn’t move, but you just nodded once again. How could you forget? You were terrified for the first thirty minutes, holding on to him for dear life while he just trusted the two wires to hold him up as he flipped around and around showing you, first hand, the skill he possesses from years of using the illegal ODM gear. Only when he taught you how to use the contraption, and went a whole lot slower through the trees, did you become comfortable in his arms. It was fun, floating through the air, if only the reasoning for it wasn’t to kill titans.

“When I held you in my arms, the first time, you almost choked me to death because you weren’t used to it. I couldn’t see your face since you had it buried in my neck… but it made me realize why it had to be you. Your pure reaction to the ODM, I never... I’ve never experienced someone react like that. They’re either hiding the fact they want to throw up, or they already know how to use to ODM, so it’s second nature to them. Your emotions were so loud, so open. You screamed at me to go slower,” a low chuckle went through his body, and that’s when you started to open up a little bit, “Then, once you realized I wasn’t going to drop you and you started enjoying it, the look in your eyes was like nothing I’d ever seen before either. You smiled, wide, and when you threw your hands up like you were on some children’s ride… that’s when I fell in love with you.” You froze and so did he. It was the first time he’d said it. The first time either of you said it. You never thought it would be Levi to say those words. It made your eyes widen and fill with tears for a different reason, but you didn’t interrupt him. You wanted to hear what else he had to say.

When he continued, his heart was racing, realizing what he just said. He had never said that to anyone before. He just got ahead of himself, not caring where he placed his words, and his true feelings came out. That’s what happens when he’s with you.

“You made me feel like it was my first day ever using ODM. Your eyes wide with wonder and excitement just made me feel so free. I don’t think I’d felt like that in years; carefree, swinging through those damn trees like that. Every time I do it now for training or for killing titans, it’s never the same. It’s the same with everything else, (Y/F/N). You give my life such emotion that when I’m not with you, it doesn’t feel the same. It loses color. Meaning. I don’t want to be here, I want to be in that green chair in your shop, just listening to what you have to say forever. No one here, not Petra or Hange or Erwin or, I don’t fucking know, or Miche, has ever made me feel like that. I’ve never wanted to stay with someone forever, just sitting, wasting the world away. You make me forget that titans exist. You make me forget that I’m a Captain or a Scout. You make me forget that a world other than the room around us exists. With you, I’m Levi. That’s… that’s why I love you. You make me feel alive. You make me feel like I’m truly me, whatever or whoever that is. I-“ You sat up quickly, pulling him towards you to give him a bone-crushing kiss. The way he just expressed everything to you was mind numbing. Levi never said things like that, not if he didn’t truly mean it. You knew how much he was digging in his heart for these words. He could taste the tears that mingled in between your lips, and when he pulled back, your emotion hit him again. Every time your eyes would flicker with some feeling projecting through, he felt like it was hitting him tenfold. You made everything so vivid to him, so much so, that he had to lean over and wipe off the tears from your face because he couldn’t stand it.

“You…Y-you’re not bored with me? T-that I’m just normal?” He rolled his eyes, grabbing the back of your head to pull it towards his chest. You listened to hear his heart beating, noting that it had sped up from it’s normal pace. You grabbed his shirt, trying to get as close as possible to him.

“You’re not boring, but you’re not normal… to me. Normal people annoy me and make me feel nothing. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced what I feel around you with anyone else. You aren’t normal to me. You’re…you’re special to me. It doesn’t matter that you don’t kill titans or wear a green cape, in fact I like it that way. I can pull away from that when I’m with you. When I’m with you, I don’t focus on anything other than you. I couldn’t stand to be with any of those brats outside, they’d make me want to yell at them to run laps.” You laughed a little into his chest and he played with your hair as you started to feel better. You were stupid, you knew it. If Levi didn’t want you, he wouldn’t be near you. He wasn’t the type of person to stick around someone he didn’t like.

“I think I fell in love you with you when you kissed me in the rain that one day. You told me I looked beautiful in the rain.” He snorted, trying to hide the flush on his cheeks as you made him face his romantic actions. Like he said, when he was with you, he was in his own little world. Sometimes, he forgot what he even said or did until you brought it back up to him and he started stuttering. If the brats found out that Captain Levi was a sap, he’d never live it down. He’d only be like that in front of you.

“And you thought that I had an interest in Petra? Even though I say things like that to you?” You laughed a bit again, the sting of dinner almost completely wearing off.

“I just… At dinner, it just emphasized how much I’m not like you. I just thought that…if I couldn’t talk about killing titans or something that you were unint-“

“Do you know how much I have to talk about titans in a single day? I’d much rather hear you ramble on about how hard it is to dye something dark blue. You will never be uninteresting to me, (Y/F/N). And if you think that you have no skill, just remember that every member in the Survey Corps is wearing something you made when they use ODM. You’re the one who makes the straps that allows us to do our job. Who cares if you can’t use ODM? I couldn’t use it without you.” You blushed as he whispered that into your ear. It did something to you, him saying how he needed you to preform the skill that he was famous for. It was definitely the ego boost you needed.

“You said you loved me?” You looked up to him, the slightly annoyed look plastered on his face again. You were going to make him face his emotions again right after he gave you such a display.

“Yes, I did.” You sighed and grabbed his check, pulling it. He made a noise in protest.

“Are you feeling that emotion now?” He pulled your hand off of him, holding your wrists together so you couldn’t attack him anymore. When he looked at you, he still smiled though. You were looking up at him, the spark back in your eyes. Even if it was to terrorize him, he could look at you like this all day. In fact, he would do it all night. He already got his daily 3-hour sleep, so he could stay up and look at you.

He leaned down and kissed you again, pulling back only a few centimeters to look in those eyes again. God, it was so addicting.

“I love you, (Y/F/N).” Your expression morphed again into one that made his heart race. You always looked like this after he kissed you, that’s why he’d do it so much and at such random times. He wanted to see you like this, looking up at him like he was the only one who mattered. This is what he meant by you making him feel alive. Your expression told him he was the only one. You didn’t need to use your words to reassure him.

“I love you, too, Levi. Even if I doubt myself sometimes.” He nodded, leaning in again. Before he could kiss you again, and before he went back to his normal, semi-stoic self, he let out one last line of reassurance. He wanted you to know, in all seriousness, that if he wasn’t going to end up with you, he wasn’t going to end up with anyone. Not with how you make him feel.

“There’s no reason to doubt how I feel about you. You’re the only one for me. Always.”

xx I hope you like it! This one was hard to write haha 

[pinkbiscuits-perks-and-curses]

i feel like 90's and early 2000's kids were the last bit of mental disturbance before mental stability become an issue,

because cartoon network didn't give shit, it acted like disturbing children was the fucking point, and it was great, we loved it

i mean, courage the cowardly dog was nightmare fuel, i'm still disturbed by that weirdly spindly 3D esk thing,

samurai jack was both violent, basically having blood and gore even though it was all machines

powerpuff girls was violent in a more physical sense, and clearly showed crime and destruction, and wasn't afraid of beating literal kids senseless

billy and mandy was a thing, it cared not of mortality, made jokes that didn't always land, but it was weirdly real, more so normalising odd things in just the right way

the foster home for imaginary friends, was quite literally an escape from reality, the main character had a bad home life, and tried his hardest to escape, the imaginary friends, are all just that, friends, and all of them got abandoned

ed, edd, and eddy, was weird, they all lived on their own, no adult figures around, they were outcasts, but they got along, and it generally felt like a fever dream

dexter's lab was seemingly warning you for what not to become, don't become a cynical person obsessed with work and growing up

cow and chicken was pretty much a hallucination, it had grim, and off putting actions that were surrounded by this twisted sense of happiness

and johny bravo with his relentless pursuit of woman that never got anywhere,

and actually, cartoon network never got rid of this mind set, you have plenty of shows, flapjack, ben 10, juniper lee, adventure time, regular time, knd, chowder, gumball, sym-biotic titan, generator rex, over the garden wall, and even steven universe

all shows that weird, sometimes scary, and yet all follow the same one simple rule, it has a story revolving around a theme, episode to episode, there's a problem or something, it gets worked out, but it never lost it's theme

and the foster home for imaginary friends is the right tipping point, visuals, the dark gloomy and mundane colour set got changed with colours, and the sleek olden design, with newer more chaotic ones, but while foster's had a theme, abandonment, escape, it had it's darker tones, a darker theme, and those got flushed out, and that's not a bad thing, gumball is basically just chaos and colour around a story isn't it, and it's good

but it showed that we changed, humans in general btw, the time of darker theme's for a kids series, was no longer needed, cause we changed, more things could be talked about, as the gloom of the 90's faded, and there's the problem a lot of people who grow up with these shows have, kids now, don't get an escape, we could lose ourselves in these shows, could find solutions, because life was often just as dark as they were, but now a days, we can't

and kids have the same issues, i'm going to go into a personal tangent here, i have a abandonment issues, cause my parents in my eyes, couldn't be bothered, i was practically raised by my grandpa, cause he was the only one that seemingly cared for me, and i escaped in television, and it was so easy, ben 10, the original, was basically the same thing i was in, even though for them it was just for a summer, but since it seemingly never ended that wasn't a problem, foster's was also just that, an mc in a bad place with a mother that didn't care for him, ed edd and eddy, was about children on their own, i had nightmares almost every night, and no one to wake up to comfort me, just the same as courage, he was afraid yet he still stood up, still had the courage to face them, whatever that may be, samurai jack was always alone carrying the expectations of so many, yet he stayed calm in unexpected situations,

the point i'm making is that you could draw the strength you didn't have, from these characters, because they were in just as bad of a place if not worse then you were, and today's cartoons just feel lacking on that part, maybe it's just me, maybe it's just us, but i hope that kids these days still have a way to loose themselves in characters that have the strength they might not have

[queerchoicesblog]

Lawrence was a pleasure to see again, and thanks God he was there to talk some sense into Zetta ! "Sometimes our secrets are what makes our lives worth living. No matter with what high cost they come attached” What power in that sentence. What I also loved was that Zetta was honest with Richard. She has always been a straight shooter and it's interesting to see a dynamic where she would have much to lose from it but chooses to be (somewhat) honest anyway. With him. With herself. /6 (I think ?)

Part 2 of my response, sweet Nonny!

Let me start saying that:

1. You do not have to apologise for your English because it's brilliant and I'm Italian so no pressure!

2. I absolutely love your talkative mood and because of the kind words you reserved to my writing, I swear! I almost wish we would be sharing a table at a cafe (let's make it a patisserie: I'm a sweet tooth and you have decadent desserts up there!) and chatting about Zetta, Adele and a bit of everything 😊

Giving a voice to wlw characters is my main mission so thank YOU! I'm glad I could make fellow members of our community happy with my stories. I write them for free because it sounds like the right thing in these dark times when many face new personal budget struggles. Maybe one day, if I build enough confidence, I will try to get some works published but today's not that day.

Back to Titanic, I'm particularly glad you appreciate your compatriot Sabine (who will get a scene in the next chapter) and Lawrence. They were minor characters but gosh, how I love them. I tried to add more depths and give them a bit more space in the series since they only appeared from time to time in the original book.

I find the friendship between Lawrence and Zetta quite interesting and a bit endearing. At the Turkish Baths, Zetta described it in these terms:

Of course, it refers to the fact that they're both gay and they can understand each other better than anyone else. But these lines and the affability they showed when he joined Zetta's table for dinner in first class made me picture the two of them as that kind of friends who aren't close as they don't keep in touch or hang out together all the time but whenever they find each other, it's as though they never parted. As many of us feel today about their fellow gay/bi/trans and so on friends, they rely on each other for a support they cannot find elsewhere so they can chat of nothing and everything, laugh but also have deep conversations out of nowhere without needing explanation or excuses. They simply understand the need to talk of certain parts of their lives: finest historical mlm/wlw solidarity. I cannot bring myself to imagine, for instance Lawrence talking of Felix with other gentlemen but Zetta would surely ask him how he's doing. Vice versa I can see the only one Zetta would truly speak of Adele being him.

"Sometimes our secrets are what make our lives worth living. No matter with what high cost they come attached"

I must admit I am quite proud of that sentence 😅

I just thought the story needed something that could explain why Zetta eventually decides to "fight for Adele" in her own way, writing her that note begging to come to the party after months of silence, but also Adele's change of heart about secrecy. We know that Adele has been stagnating for some time after the sinking and the abandonment, dealing with trauma, loss and starting anew in a new country...or at least that's how I picture her? Hileni says she's hardly leaving the shop, she looks afraid to live in full survivor sense of guilt and suffering from the sudden disappearance of her love. Through those months she changes and I reckon this change includes the shift from this (in my playthrough)

To this:

Back on the Titanic Adele seemed almost unapologetic about showing her affection as if "pushing boundaries". True, she's an outcast unlike Zetta and the adeline pumped high in the aftermath of the collision but she was the lesbian hero everyone dreamed in the moment: proclaiming her love for Zetta and kissing her passionately in the crowd. Quite a shock for super closet lesbian like Zetta! Then, months later she no longer says "I don't care who's watching" but is the one proposing a secret romance, accepting to live her love behind closed doors and putting up a mask in public if that's what it takes to be with Zetta. I think she came to the same conclusion Lawrence stated. And I think it's interesting how the change in Zetta is somehow symmetrical: from freezing on the l word to realising she doesn't want to part from Adele - and kissing her on the deck uncaring of the crowd - to make it happen after her own stagnation.

As for the Richard discourse, I believe that what Mateo said was for once true:

Adele and her conscience, her courage inspired her to be a better version of herself while her compassion softened a bit Adele. At the beginning of the story, Zetta is bitter, sarcastic, utterly gorgeous but not so pleasant to have around, for her own decision: her guard is up and she's unhappy. Through the story, she shows a new side of her, compassionate, protective, smart and gentle that was there but Adele rekindled. In the next chapter I will give a hint of other ways in which I believe Adele inspired her to action.

But a change I picture being a tail end of this is being (somewhat) honest with Richard. Adele put her freedom at risk for her and I want to believe that gesture impressed Zetta more than she admitted to herself maybe. She praised her conscience and courage...now it was her time to be brave. Zetta not saying a thing after what happened made little sense to me, if she suffers so much as we get to understand. Complete honesty is not a safe route or at least one she is not willing to go for but she pushes herself as far as she feels comortable stating the truth: is he convinced to marry her even knowing that she cannot love him like he does? Seems like an honest and merciful warning: Zetta cares for her career but she is not a heart of stone and I headcanon she likes Richard even if not romantically.

Richard doesn't get the true meaning behind her confession but as you said, could she? Zetta is closeted and very careful not to draw the slightest suspicion on her. He couldn't possibly imagine the truth but I cannot bring myself to see it as completely dumb either. We cannot read a person's heart with Suisse precision but we can perceive coldness or when our feelings are not fully reciprocated. He probably knew already that Zetta didn't love him "like he loves her" and it explained it to himself as stemming from her independence, her being a lady who can't be entirely tamed. Which is not a lie, just one part of the truth.

Sorry, I went down a tangent here and ended up flooding you with words!

Hope to hear from you soon! Stay safe and healthy ❤

[drivingsideways]

Coda/ missing scene for Algebra: an outline, following from the last paragraph, but before the last line. READ IT FIRST BECAUSE IT’S BRILLIANT AND YOU WILL THANK ME.

Yo, @isaekkiya and @rain-hat  come collect your trash

It still takes another year.

It takes another year of Yeong wandering the world, setting things right where he can as the Kingdom of Corea’s man in the UNPKO, or at least trying to stop bad situations from descending into absolute disasters. He learns to love Shahrukh Khan, and cheap Russian vodka. He consumes goraasa be dama by the potful and gets hooked onto cinnamon tea.

He starts sending pictures to Gon: a black cat with a single white patch of fur around its left eye in Istanbul, a sunset in Isfahan, the domes of Samarkand.

At first, they’re just pictures of things and places, he doesn’t add anything to them, no thinking of you or I miss you. He figures it doesn’t need saying; he’s never understood those postcards that said wish you were here. Of course you do, why else would you be sending a fucking postcard.

Gon replies with his own pictures.

Well, the first twenty are just Maximus, but the twenty first is blurry, as though the lens were dipped in water; it comes on New Year’s Day- or New Year’s Eve, in Yeong’s time- a view of the palace from the island, it seemed Busan was having a rainy start.

Gon had kept with the tradition, after all, Yeong thinks, and hesitates only for a moment, before writing back, I miss him too.

   So it goes.

The first time he calls Gon, he’s been holed up in a tent in an Amazonian rainforest for twenty straight days because the rain just hasn’t stopped.

It’s April; in Corea, the azaleas must be in riotous bloom. Yeong stares up at the towering canopy of wet dark green through the flaps of his tent and calls Gon.

The crackle and hum on the line doesn’t quite hide the sleepy surprise of the first “Yeong?” and then the panicked, “Yeong? Yeong? Is everything alright? What’s wrong ?Tell me immediately!”

This was what the Titanic felt like when it hit that iceberg, Yeong thinks, as he cracks open, a cleaving that leaves him floundering, unmoored.

“I’m alright” he says, and for the first time since he was four, “Gon hyung”.

There’s an abrupt silence on the other end; all he can hear is the static.

It lasts so long that Yeong thinks he might have lost the connection after all, and he’s just about to hang up, when Gon says, sounding breathless and annoyed, “I don’t think you appreciate the restraint I’m exercising right now not to just fly across the world and drag you home!”

Yeong wipes at his eyes, and huffs, his voice not quite in control, “I appreciate it, pyeha” he says, “I do”.

Gon sighs.

They stay quiet for a while, just the buzz and hum of electrons between them, and Yeong thinks of patterns and fate and destiny, and he says, “It never rains like this back home. I feel like I’m turning into water, just sitting here, doing nothing”.

There’s a delay before Gon’s voice comes over the line, a soft huff, “Be grateful, if it stops raining in the Amazon, we’re all irreparably screwed”.

“I’m aware of that fact” says Yeong, “unbelievable as that may sound to you”.

God, what is he doing here, flirting awkwardly like the fourteen-year old he never was.

“What are you going to do about it anyway?” and that’s enough to set Gon off on a whole different tangent, the sleepiness in his voice gone as he describes the climate change initiatives that Prime Minister Koo and he are working on.

It goes on for twenty minutes, and Jeong mostly just listens and hums at appropriate junctures, letting Gon’s voice wash over him.

And he was wrong, he wasn’t a ship, wrecked on the rock that was Gon, he was an ice-cube slowly melting in the warm cavern of his mouth.

“That woman drives me crazy” Gon is sighing. “It’s too bad I reconstituted the CHRC, that was probably a rash decision on my part”.

And then, as though remembering that he wasn’t supposed to be that person anymore, he adds, guiltily, “Uh, not that I’m undoing that”.

Yeong laughs.

It probably sounds tinny and not like himself at all on the other side.

Gon says, “Yeong”

“Yes” he says, when his heart stops doing crazy things in his chest, “I’m here”.

  It escalates after that- as much as possible, given that Yeong is often in places without mobile signals or bandwidth, or whatever communication is available is heavily restricted. There are long periods when they don’t hear from each other, and when Yeong emerges from whatever dark hole he’s been in, it is to at least fifteen videos of Maximus, and like, ten million voice mails, and an inbox that’s two thousand separate single-line notes, because Gon can’t write emails like a normal person.

Gon is not a normal person, he is mortifyingly ridiculous, and Yeong sighs, and gives in and pulls strings to get his hands on a military grade CoreaTech prototype phone that has amazing battery life and a gazillion gigas of storage, because it turns out that he is also just that stupid, and he doesn’t want to delete a single memory of this time.

He calls Gon from the phone, leaning against his hotel window in Lagos.

Below him, the city glitters in neon and gold.

It’s 9 pm on a Thursday in Lagos, and 5 am on Friday in Busan, and Yeong thinks about the unreliability of time, as a concept, and the brief flare in the dark that is one human lifetime and calls his husband.

“Yeong-ah” says Gon, apparently still half asleep. These days, he tends to sleep in more often, instead of waking at 4 am like he used to.

“I was wondering if you’d reached” he’s mumbling. “Did you get my messages?”

“Yes” he says, “all twenty-one million of them”.

“Mrrmmmph” mutters Gon, half into his pillow, and Yeong- Yeong knows what Gon looks like, sleep- mussed and incoherent, and the ache in his chest spreads to other parts.

“Gon hyung” he says, “Will you do something for me?”

“Mmm?”

“Gon hyung”, he whispers, “touch yourself for me”

There’s silence and then a wide-awake, if shaky, “Yeong-ah”.

“Touch yourself like I would” Yeong instructs, and oh, he hadn’t really thought this through, words are not his strong suit, and he has never even sexted once in his life, never mind anything else, but somehow, it works, it works, because Gon moans his name, and sighs in his ear, and the military grade phone with its excellent speakers is worth every single moment of an uneasy conscience,  and Yeong comes with a gasped out plea, that is Gon hyung, that is beloved, darling, husband, mine.

Afterward, they float together on a silent cloud of shared breath across the world.

Gon doesn’t say, come home, or let me come to you , and Yeong is grateful for that.

Yeong loves him so fucking much, that he’s going to disintegrate entirely if he doesn’t see Gon in the next twenty-four hours.

  He texts Gon from the airport, “See you in twenty hours” and then switches off his phone.

 When he lands, he’s not sure what he’s expecting- perhaps Gon waiting on the tarmac for him, like that one time.

But Gon’s not there, just Captain Seok-Pil and he rises from his deep bow, to say, “Welcome home Prince Consort Jo” with a wide grin, and Yeong sighs, and says, “Please tell me he’s not got the entire Royal Navy Band or something waiting for me at the Palace”.

“His Majesty retired to his study earlier today and hasn’t emerged since” Captain Seok-Pil informs him, with a sidelong glance.

“Ah” says Yeong. “Alright, thank you”.

The Royal Navy Band may not be there, but it feels like the entire staff of the palace, is out there to welcome him back, or at least get a glimpse of him, and Yeong performs all the necessary rituals of greeting or ignoring, as required, and tries not to run down the last corridor to the study.

He slips into the study, shutting the heavy wooden door softly behind him.

It looks much the same as he’d last seen it- three years ago, now- the floor to ceiling shelves of books, the glass covered in equations. Gon is sitting at his desk, staring at a book, rubbing a page between the thumb and forefinger of his right hand.

Yeong knows that Gon knows that he’s in the room- he sees him swallow hard- and the way his shoulders go just a little bit taut.

“Pyeha” he says, softly, as he approaches, and Gon looks up at that.

Yeong goes around the desk and turns the chair toward him, before he sinks to his knees.

“Pyeha” he says again, staring up at that beloved face.

Gon’s hazel eyes are wide and- terrified- Yeong realizes.

He reaches to take the book out from Gon’s trembling hands- it’s Khwarizmi’s Compendium on Calculation and Balancing, the one that he’d sent more than a year ago, after he’d realized that he’d never stood a chance of getting away. He sets the book on the desk.

Gon’s fingers are covered in chalk.

It’s how he soothes himself, Yeong knows, furiously working out hypotheses, the numbers a music that only Gon can hear.

“I’m going to fuck it up again” Gon says, baldly. “Someday”.

Yeong raises Gon’s hands to his lips, kisses the ring on it, and then his knuckles.

“I won’t let you” he promises. “That’s my job”.

He huffs, “Besides, even if I fail, that woman you’ve got running circles around every major world leader won’t let you. You’re covered”.

Gon’s fingers tighten on his.

“Don’t divorce me” he says.

Yeong looks at him.

“Is that an order, pyeha?”

Yeong rather enjoys the way that Gon’s mind scrambles for the answer, his eyes widening.

“Yes..?”

“Right answer” Yeong whispers, and he’s clambering onto Gon’s lap, and tilting his face up, so he can seal their mouths together.

After some time- Yeong has no idea how much- Gon eases away an inch to whisper, “I’m going to be ridiculous now”.

“Mmhmm” says Yeong, nuzzling at his temple.

Gon stands up, lifting Yeong in his arms, with hardly an effort.

Yeong had forgotten this part (not really), how strong Gon is, how he could use that giraffe body of his to short circuit Yeong’s brain within seconds.

“I’m going to carry my husband to my royal bed and ravish him despite his pleas for mercy like the despot I am” Gon whispers, into the corner of his mouth, “I’m not going to let him leave my bed for a week”.

 Well, thinks Yeong, between long, lavish kisses, as he wraps his legs tighter around Gon, and lets himself be carried out of the study, past the staff that’s scrambling to get out of sight and way, and into the bedroom and pressed into the silk duvet, it was good to be with a man who kept his promises.

[popculture-etc]

Kenny Rogers, Adam Schlesinger,...coping with 2020

Worst year ever although there were some good.

It’s too early yet for me to do a quick look back on what 2020 is like here as we’re only going to be in the first of December tomorrow (it’s Nov 30 here) but I just have to as two losses this year broke me. Kind of, well, especially the second one.

You see, before East Asian pop, Jpop and Kpop, Western pop culture was my thing. It still is and this pandemic has made me go back to that recently starting with...the Beach Boys (their westcoast sound caught me, hook, line, and sinker and I wasn’t very fond of the Beatles to begin with...to be completely honest) I’m currently chillin’ to right now, as I write this post. I’m really weak to the westcoast sound. Beach sound/s in general, rather. I’m a big fan of the beach where nature goes, for one. Since some time, a few years ago, deep chill and tropical house music has been my go-to when I want to chill or calm myself down after an outburst of sorts and I put them on when I just feel meh, especially on Fridays. When I dream of being by the sea, the beach or in some island on my own. I live in a country with a lot of beaches and the Visayas here is basically island region Philippines, lol. Like most people, I listen to music according to mood just like the way I dress according to mood. And...it’s no wonder, really that I’m so into the Beach Boys now. RIP the Beatles. My dad played some songs of theirs on the guitar or so but the hold they have on me waned later on and I just think now how overrated they were back then. They did have good songs but when talking of good music, as in really good that it retains the same sound style or so, it’s the Beach Boys for me. Brian Wilson is the man despite his issues and personal struggles.

Anyway, we’re going quickly off tangent. I’ll save the Beach Boys fangirling for another day. lol.

I grew up with western pop culture rife all around me thanks to my American, cowboy country and folk music listening dad, my Carpenters-loving mom and then, college-aged aunts who’d made me see the Titanic film more than my fingers could count---the third is clearly an exaggeration but well...some of it is true and they were why I got into American films like Pretty Woman (we have this in good ol’ VHS in our family home, my grandparents’ in Jasaan), Mannequin, Ghost etc. in the late 80s, coming into the early 90s. So, tired of all the kdrama and uninteresting kvariety shows on tvn and the rebranded local channel, Kapamilya (long story for what we formerly know as ABS-CBN, the nation’s a mess right now and our gov’t’s just...ick!), I’d retreated to my cave and got into old tv shows I’d watched as a kid instead like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and it’s been, well, moving on from there. I’m checking out Twin Peaks later. I’ve been watching old Hollywood films too. Some revisits on this include: Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, and especially A Streetcar Named Desire will always and forever be my favorite. Very young and cute and good looking Marlon Brando, ugh. I have some others in the stash which include Bonnie and Clyde I’ll be getting into much, much later, maybe over the weekends and holidays. In sum, I have a long history with western pop culture, especially America’s, more than I have with Japan’s and South Korea’s. The latter being very, very recent so it doesn’t really compare as much.

Let’s get right down to it...

So 2020 had us lose Kenny Rogers to natural causes on March 20 in a hospice and after, Adam Schlesinger to COVID 19 complications on April 1. I know the latter as the songwriter of The Wonders’ That Thing You Do from the film sharing the same song title. I know Kenny Rogers well because my dad listens to him over and over in the car. In pretty much the same way, I know the words to Islands in the Stream by heart and I accept and revere it as one of the best, if not THE BEST country-pop duet songs of all time between Kenny and Dolly Parton...as far as country and pop music in the US of A’re concerned, of course. Miley and Shawn Mendez’s cover of it I’d seen recently was alright but nothing still beats the OG one, as always. With music, it’s just, really always the case.

Kenny departing from us March this year was alright. He was well cared for in a hospice and at the right age too, to leave us and this mess of a world behind for the afterlife. Sounds grim but not really. Heh. He died of natural causes so we know he was at peace and accepted then that his time has come. Fans and long-time listeners of his should also be at peace with this knowledge. I don’t consider myself a fan but since he’s been around so much because my dad plays his songs in the car often, I’m the same. I’ve accepted his passing away early this year. He’s lived his life well and given us good music to listen to should we like to remember him and his works and celebrate his life and legacy doing so.

Schlesinger’s case was way worse because, well, COVID 19. And it’s well...I guess we all saw it coming, me included, that I’d just learned, watching the one of many national English news on ANC that ‘pandemic’ is the word of the year according to Merriam-Webster. Timely, huh? Yep. Predictable, really. Sarcasm noted here.

So if someone ever asks what 2020 was about, we only have to say that according to Merriam-Webster, it’s the global (COVID 19) pandemic. Short, not-so-sweet, succinct, and grim. Yep.

This one, Schlesinger’s case, is something I still find difficult to accept. He was only 52 years old! He was at the prime of his life and had some projects still he was working on at the time of his passing so WHY?! I suppose that’s all of us who followed him and his extensive work on tv, film, the stage and his own band, Fountains of Wayne when we heard news he’s passed away due to COVID 19 complications. It’s definitely me now though I learned of it late. Heh.

To cope with the sadness of losing Schlesinger, gone too soon at 52 years old and with an impressive Hollywood tv, stage, film resume to his name since and his own band’s, Fountains of Wayne (FoW) really good discography, by the way, I’ve been listening to FoW’s Welcome Interstate Managers---all of the contents of said album/record---and That Thing You Do’s OST with the Beach Boys’ Sounds of Summer Best of in between. My favorite song on Welcome Interstate Managers is the sarcastic take on real life as an everyday worker in sales, Bright Future in Sales. As much as I like chill sounds where music goes, I like me some music with lyrics jolting us back to grim reality in much the same way I like films (indies, mostly, or lesser known short and full-length ones) that tackle social issues not frequently discussed in public or so but we are aware are there, still plaguing much of today’s society. I live for cynical, satirical, ironic, and even hyperbolic stuff about real life actually. It may be why I’m so entrenched and attached to the era where we all hated ourselves---the 90s. Although one would say much of that sentiment or feeling did carry itself to the 2000s, though. I don’t know about you, but until now, I still hate or have heavy dislike for myself and everything else around me, especially our gov’t or current admin here in the Philippines, and people in general so I don’t think it ever really goes away. And going off tangent again for the nth time today.

Anyway, my 1996 was That Thing You Do on HBO in our household...on and off along with other 90s films like The Craft, Clueless, Jawbreakers (I think this still plays in Cinemax from time to time) so of course losing Schlesinger also was...rather, is hard. He’s done so much and he was supposed to be working on more and he’s left such a deep mark here for us, avid fans of American pop culture...I suppose, even the casual ones. Aside from his That Thing You Do, I’d also seen Josie and the Pussycats at some point. I don’t remember when, where...though I did watch some episodes of the cartoon on Cartoon Network (CN) so of course, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the film of it as well. He worked on a track or some tracks there, too. 

2020 sucks. COVID 19 sucks. This global pandemic sucks. But at least there’re films, tv shows, music, stage musical plays turned movies (Jonathan Larson’s Tick, Tick...Boom! is coming to us soon with Andrew Garfield in the lead---I’m wary of Garfield being a forgettable actor since The Amazing Spider Man because Dane Dehaan was what made that for me, to be quite honest so I’m not so sure of him being Jon here and as a self-respecting Larson fan since Rent, I’d rather they casted Neil Patrick Harris/NPH since he was in the London stage for this way back anyway...) to keep us entertained and fine until then. What would it take for ‘rona, and I’m not talking about the American Corona beer here that’s really popular in the west coast, to go away? I, like the rest of you in self isolation or quarantine, tend to think so but I don’t think we’ll have any answer to that until the vaccines are well underway by spring next year. Or at least, that’s what health authorities and scientists tell us anyway. I get reminded of it often in the news and I only tune in to that once in a while now because even that, following that daily, breaks my mental faculties down due to stress and pressure and all and I can’t have that when I still have so much, at the back of my mind, to do.

But anyway, time to conclude this one with one of my favorite The Wonders songs, All My Only Dreams just to end on a good note, better than the last paragraph’s ending at least and to remember Schlesinger as well that we’d lost this year along with plenty others we’d met in passing who’ve also left this world especially due to COVID 19 complications. I know we know a lot of those. For me, it’s a distant relative or family member I’d known since young but don’t have particular fluffy bunny feelings for because of some things that happened between the guy and me growing up in the NCR/Caloocan City to be exact. There’s also my good friend and former co-worker’s only remaining parent, her dad and a few more, I’m sure. So I hope 2021 would be better but I doubt it...very much. It’s still looking pretty dim, grim and bleak from here, where I’m currently standing in 2020.

Before we really end though, COVID 19 is definitely not a hoax. It hasn’t been since the first cases started in Wuhan, China. It’s just, only been getting worse and still continue to claim lives and spread to more people even those at home. So as someone who comes from a household of mostly medical workers or health care workers here, we should really be very careful about and around it. Let’s take the necessary health protocols seriously like wearing a mask out and maybe the face shield too and always keeping the sanitizers, alcohols in our bags among others---hygiene and sanitation, disinfection. It may come off really anal of me and I am not anal (I don’t like people with Type A personalities in the first place, lol...I’m just a very cautious Virgo, really, and a Type X---mix of Type C and D personalities) but seriously, SERIOUSLY, I can’t stress this enough, COVID 19, the virus SARS-COV2, that causes it is real. Very real and once it’s in your system, it can go the fatal, deadly way or just the mild and you’ll recover later anyway way. It’s not picking which people should die next and which should not, really. It’s really just there making a mess of things that are already messy since the beginning. My point being, it’s just better if we don’t spread it or are careful enough not to contract it with following health protocols set by health experts, scientists to help us get by this...pandemic. 

Well here’s to 2020 being over soon and 2021 creeping in on us soon enough. 

P.S.

Billie Armstrong of Greenday upped a cover of That Thing You Do as a tribute to Adam and the youtube live of the Wonders coming together again to pay tribute to and celebrate Adam’s life may still be up on the ‘tube. I have yet to see the latter but enjoyed the former. They are just so...sweet and precious. Ugh. Adam Schlesinger, gone too soon indeed. :(

PPS

Another songwriter/contributor in the TTYD OST passed away last year, too. Rick Elias. Cause of death is brain cancer. I had a friend from college, young and so full of life and dreams, who passed away due to the same thing so I’m kind of aware how this goes. Ugh. Cancer sucks. All of these are just so...sad. Depressing, actually.

[aernox]

Rivamika Week 2019 - Day 2 Hurt/Comfort

Author's Note: So sorry this is late, and the whole thing is a mess. I went off in a tangent. There was no real plot or anything. But I needed to write this. It was therapy for me. SPOILERS BTW SO BEWARE

Under The Rubble

Mikasa rubbed the soap on her bloody hands, the suds running down her arms and let the cold water wash it all away. After drying them, she inspected her hands which had dry red patches, and cracks. Taking a pot from a nearby shelf, she rubbed the beeswax into her skin, momentarily soothing it. She sat down on an old wooden chair by the window for the first time since had started working that night, waiting for Jean to arrive and take over from her. She moved the curtain slightly, but it was still pitch-black outside, even though Mikasa reckoned it must have been eight in the morning by now.  The rain that had started to fall three days ago, when the battle had finished, continued to fall.

The door to the infirmary opened slowly as Jean entered the room, he walked as though his limbs were heavy, and his eyes were tired and bloodshot. Mikasa felt how he looked and felt pity that he had to work the next shift. Mikasa rose from her chair and took her notes that she would be passing over to Jean.

“Rough night?” Jean asked, his voice hoarse.

“You could say that. I had three new admissions.” Mikasa said, her voice low as they approached the first bed which had privacy screens around it. “The first was dead on arrival, nothing I could do for him despite me trying. I gave him the last offices; he just needs to be removed whenever it is convenient for you and your helper today. He was with the Garrison Regiment. I’ve written his next of kin details here. They have yet to be informed.”

Jean nodded, as Mikasa passed her notes to him as they moved on to the next patient.

“Another member of the Garrison Regiment came in with a suspected fracture of the tibia, I’ve elevated it and splinted it. Have the doctor take a look at it. I’ve given him pain relief. He’s fine.” Mikasa said, already moving on to the next bed, which also had privacy screens around it.

“A civilian, brought in a couple hours ago. Was impaled by a metal beam through the abdomen, a good Samaritan not knowing any better, removed it. I couldn’t stop the bleeding but made him comfortable. Last offices are done. The family are aware.”

“So just a little busy then…” Jean mumbled to himself, the enormity of the day that faced him now apparent. “What about the others?”

“No problems overnight with me.” Mikasa said, handing him the rest of the notes, “Oh Jean, make sure we get more morphine. I had to use quite a lot last night, so we don’t have much left.”

Jean scribbled on his noted and said he would make sure it was in by the night shift.

“Are you sure you want to come back tonight?”

“You know I’ll be here every night. Until things change.” Mikasa said, longing for the soft linen of her bed sheets.

“Mikasa, you’ll burn yourself out if you keep this up.” Jean said, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m fine, Jean. I always am.” Mikasa said, hoping that her words sounded convincing.

***

Mikasa jolted upright in her bed, her dagger held firmly in her hand, unsure of what had woken her from her deep but disturbed sleep. Dazed and disorientated she stumbled out of her bed and checked the window, with only darkness outside she couldn’t tell if it was day or night. There was a loud rapping knock at the door.

“Mikasa. This is your wake-up call.” A voice from behind the door called.

Coming to her senses, Mikasa lowered her dagger and called back that she was up and awake now. Running a comb through her hair and getting dressed she dreaded going back in for her shift. Day after day it was the same thing, injured soldiers, injured civilians, men, women and children. It didn’t stop. There weren’t enough doctors and nurses to help after the last battle of Paradis which had ended only three days ago. Most of Mikasa’s friends were gone, lost in the battle or in the ensuing chaos when the walls made of titans collapsed. Eren, Armin, and Connie were gone. Nearly everyone else she knew was MIA, except for Jean who had been her rock since everything happened. But somehow Mikasa had survived, and she had no idea what do now that it was all over. She would work. Until she knew what she should do.

She walked down the hall, dreading to see what awaited her in the infirmary of the barracks. She looked in on the room to the left, where those that were least sick or injured were, of which there were currently twenty. All was quiet and some of them were already sleeping, the others whispered to each other hoping from news from the outside. She opened the door to the left, which contained the most acutely sick and injured patients, were Jean was waiting for her. He held a cup of tea which he immediately handed to Mikasa.

“Morning…you going to need this.” Jean said, the morose tone of his voice not lost on her.

Jean ran through the list of new admissions, one male with broken ribs, one female with an above knee amputation, one male with severe foot rot on his left foot. When Mikasa threw Jean a puzzled look, Jean reminded her that the rescue efforts to remove the people still in the rubble was still on going, and that the persistent cold and wet weather wouldn’t have helped the working conditions. The last was a young man who lay quietly in his bed but was wrapped in so many bandages that Mikasa was a little taken aback. Most of his face was covered in bloody bandages, leaving only tufts of his black hair and his mouth visible.

“Unidentified male, who we are calling John Doe. He was found under the rubble and debris when Eren brought the walls down. The doctor reckons he has multiple internal injuries and doesn’t expect him to last the night.”

Mikasa nodded and sipped her tea, already making mental notes of what she planned to do for the night and tied her apron around her waist.

“Did we get that morphine that we needed?”

“No, apparently there’s a shortage everywhere for it.” Jean said, knowing the gravity of what that meant.

Mikasa sighed, and waved Jean to go to bed insisting that she would deal with it.

She checked each patient one by one, recorded their vital signs, doing it exactly how she remembered Dr. Jaeger doing it. She often thought about her trips with him, running to get extra supplies when visiting a patient at home, watching him check pulses, change bandages or anything else that might have needed doing. The only patients that concerned her were the four in the acute bay, but according to their observations they were doing fine for now. Pinning her fringe out of her face, she opened the medicine cupboard and checked the stock. Only two smalls vials of morphine left.

I’ll have to rations this very carefully. If I’m lucky, this might be enough for tonight.

At most, she would have 4 doses. She sat down at the only table in the room, which was beside the window, pulling the curtain closed after looking outside. The rain continued to pour in a gentle but constant drizzle with the rhythmic pitter patter against the windowpane. She took a large sip of tea as she started writing the first of her patients notes. She looked at the large stack of papers and wondered how long her and Jean would be able to do this day in day out. He worked with civilian volunteers worked during the day when the doctor was here, and she took care of the night. She had the lives of twenty-three patients in her hands, and she felt like she had no idea what she was doing. If there was an emergency at night, there was no doctor to call, leaving Mikasa to try and keep them alive until the morning. But there was no one else to call upon. All that remained of the Survey Corp was Jean and herself, everyone else either dead or missing.

With her paperwork finished, Mikasa struck a match and lit a candle so she could make her hourly rounds. The man with foot was complained of pain, he said the dose of morphine that Jean had given him earlier in the day was wearing off. Mikasa inspected his foot, the sole was an unnaturally pale colour and long deep cracks ran from the top to the bottom. There was not much Mikasa could do except keep his feet dry and give him some morphine. She gave him one dose and moved him into the larger bay for those who weren’t seriously sick.

Only three doses of morphine left.

Mikasa wanted to give the young dying man as much privacy as possible and would try to move as many as she could out of his bay. She went back, thought that she could hear him moaning in pain and gave him some morphine. She watched as his rate of breathing had slowed somewhat. She knew this was all part of the process, but it didn’t get any easier. She was documenting what she had given him when she heard a loud bang from the corridor outside.

“HELP! Is anyone here?!”

Mikasa recognised the voice immediately and bolted for the door that lead to the corridor. The door slammed back as she yanked at the doorknob and saw Hange slumped on the floor soaking wet.

“Hange your alive! Are you hurt?” Mikasa couldn’t believe that Hange was here, wanting to say so much but not knowing where to start.

“I’m fine, Mikasa. Help him.” Hange said, pointing to the body slumped in her arms, whose face was covered by the rain-soaked cloak. Mikasa pulled back the hood to reveal the face of a mangled man, a long deep gash from his right forehead across his eye and down to his chin. There was smaller puncture like wounds that spattered across his face, which would have shocked Mikasa, until she saw his fingers. Or what remained of them, as several of them were missing.

Immediately lifting Levi’s limp body, Mikasa brought him to the bed she had just put fresh linen on and got to work. She checked his vital signs, stripped him down completely of all clothes to find any wounds and assess how bad they were. She squeezed firmly at the muscle between his neck and shoulder firmly, but he didn’t wince. He was completely unconscious. She cleaned his wounds with salty water, debriding any debris that was left, not wanting him to get a fever, packed them with gauze and bandaged as best that she could.

“Mikasa…”, Hange called, “I need to sleep. I’ll explain later. You’ll look after him won’t you?”

“Hange! What happened to him?”

“Zeke…there was a massive explosion. Shrapnel everywhere. I found him.”

Mikasa understood at once.

“Levi is lucky to be alive, Mikasa…I just hope it stays that way.” Hange said as she laid down on the floor and fell asleep without a pillow or even a blanket.

Levi let out a moan, his face grimacing in agony. Mikasa watched the rise and fall of Levi’s chest, noticing that his rate of breathing had increased, and his chest wasn’t rising symmetrically. Her work was not done yet, she realised. She took a closer look at the bony prominence of his windpipe and realised that it was not straight like it should be, but it had deviated to one side. Alarm bells in Mikasa’s head clanged, banged and crashed. She had seen this before, on one of her visits with Eren’s dad.

Immediately she grabbed a needle, feeling for the soft spaces between each rib on Levi’s chest.

How far down am I meant to go? Shit! I can’t remember! I could kill him if I don’t get this right….

But she also knew the consequence of not doing anything. She counted four spaces and hoped for the best as she firmly pressed the needle into his skin and between the intercostal spaces. There was an immediate whoosh of air, and Mikasa knew that she was right. She silently watched him breathing for a while, his toned chest rising and falling over and over again. She had always thought that he had looked so strong, invincible almost. But seeing Levi here, now… she thought she had never seen anyone look so fragile and weak. She gave him a dose of morphine for his pain.

One dose left.

When Mikasa deemed him to be more stable she washed him down with soapy water, making sure to keep the bandages dry, dried him off and tied an infirmary gown onto him. Smelling the fresh linen, she covered him with a blanket and propped a pillow behind his head.

She woke Hange after a while who finally found the strength to go to a proper bed after she inquired about Levi. Mikasa wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t out of the woods yet. In fact, he was still very much in the thick of them.

If I can just keep him alive until he morning…

Feeling as though she had neglected her other patients, she let her candle once more and did her check on each of them. With her check done she suddenly had a fear that when she went back to check on Levi that he wouldn’t be breathing. When she got there nothing had changed.

She had just begun her paperwork on Levi when he started moaning again. Instinctively, Mikasa walked up to the medicine cupboard only to find that there was a single dose of morphine left. She felt torn, not knowing whether to give it to him, or save it just in case. Levi quietened down, and she waited, continuing her paperwork. Suddenly John Doe gave a long drawn of moan that frightened Mikasa so much she knocked her bundle of papers on the floor scattered to every corner of the room. It was like a back and forth, both men’s faces grimacing in pain, muscles contorting, veins bulging.

But it wasn’t until Levi cried out for his mother that Mikasa broke down. It was too much, too much for one person to bare. The hot tears fell as she collapsed in a heap on the floor, her breath gasping trying to breath between her sobs. How could she pick one over the other? One a dying stranger who she wanted to make comfortable, or her captain who could potentially live but who would be in excruciating pain.

Mikasa slapped her face hard, leaving her face red and her palm stinging. Willing to pull herself together, she stood up and drew the last dose of morphine into the syringe. She looked at Levi, most of his face covered in bandages, but she could still hear him moaning loudly. Mikasa knew what had to be done.

Mikasa firmly pressed down on the plunger of the syringe, the clear liquid of the morphine entering the muscle of John Joe’s arm. A few minutes later, John Doe grew quiet and a peaceful expression settled on his face. He died an hour later. Mikasa could hear Levi groaning while she preformed the last offices on John Doe, trying to hold back the tears. When she was done, she brought her chair and sat besides Levi’s bed. She took his hand with fingers missing, inspecting the bandages she had dressed it in. She held his hand and asked him to forgive her. Forgive her for giving John Doe the morphine, for not being able to save him, for not being there to help him against Zeke.

“I always thought that we would have more time…”, Mikasa said, losing herself in her reverie. “After all these years that I’ve known you, I should have told you…” Mikasa had started but she couldn’t continue., unable to imagine a world where Levi was not in it. He was humanity’s greatest soldier, their greatest hope. The future of Paradis was uncertain, and it would need Levi.

“Don’t die, Levi.” Mikasa pleaded, squeezing softly, “Please live.”

She stayed like that with him, his hand in hers until Jean got there for his morning shift. Mikasa did her best to explain to him what had happened that night, with Levi there in the bed, and Hange asleep somewhere in the barracks. She asked Jean to get his helper to wake her at her usual time and went to her quarters to sleep. Falling into her bed she fell asleep instantly.

*

She woke up, her limbs still stiff and heavy her eyes blinking over and over but only finding darkness.

What time is it? Why didn’t anyone wake me? I must be late for my shift.

Throwing on her clothes she made her way to the infirmary hoping Jean was managing okay, when she was greeted by an unfamiliar face.

“Jean told me to tell you to take the night off, Miss. I’m one of the volunteers. I’m doing the night shift tonight.” The young man said when he saw Mikasa’s confused expression.

“What time is it?”

“A little after midnight, Miss.”

“Is Levi…?”

“He’s still alive. The doctor saw him while he was here, suspected that he had a pneumothorax with you last night. He said that the trick with the needle worked like a charm. You saved his life.”

Mikasa nodded, the doctor’s diagnosis only confirmed her suspicions.

She opened the door into the high bay and saw Levi lying comfortably in bed, still unconscious.

“I’ll give you some time with him. I have to check on the others anyway.” The young volunteer said, closing the door.

Mikasa inspected Levi’s bandages, made sure that he was being looked after properly, and was satisfied with their work. She took his mangled hand in hers and softly whispered to him repeatedly not to die. That she would look after him. She brushed the stubborn black hair of his out of his face. He would have terrible scars on his face for the rest of his life, she noted to herself. But that would not stop her from telling him how she felt if he ever woke up. How she had felt for years. Her mind started to wonder, thinking about the future and what she would do. Her hand still held his, willing him to live, still her whispers commanded Levi that he was not allowed to die, when she felt his hand squeeze hers.

[dc-fics-and-pics]

90′s Superboy x Batsis reader

AN: Here is one of my one-shots from my wattpad with some tweaks hope you like it.

Warning: Mentions of sex 

You sat in the cave playing with your brother's trinkets as you waited for Bruce to get back from patrol. Tim had left a pile of things on his desk and you had been messing with them for the past hour while he was out with his team. He had left for the Young Justice headquarters yesterday and wasn't set to come back till tomorrow.

 It was the perfect time to go through his stuff since you were on house arrest. You had gotten in trouble for sneaking out last Friday. You were banned from patrol and Alfred was checking in on you every five minutes. You were livid at your punishment. You had watched Damian crawl out his bedroom window countless times to visit Jon but you do it once and you're stuck here.

 Bruce was practically your father after he had taken you in when you were younger. He saw you as his little girl and he didn't like the idea of you running off in the middle of the night going who knows where.

 Bruce wasn't all to blame though. He said he would lift your punishment if you just told him where you went so he could have peace in his mind but you refused. 

This had caused him to think of the worst things and punish you for it. You couldn't tell him you climbed out your bedroom window to go visit your secret boyfriend in Metropolis.

 You had been dating Kon for four months now and you were both still in the honeymoon phase. You didn't want to get your families involved especially since Bruce had never been a fan of the cocky leather-wearing Kryptonian. Tim would be the worst though considering Kon was his best friend and your relationship totally breaks the bro code.

 If you are being honest Tim was the only one in your family that liked Conner. Dick thought he was too cocky, Jason thought he was too stubborn and Damian just saw him as Jon's annoying older brother.

 However, you and Kon had grown close over the Summer while Tim was with the Teen Titans. You filled in for him with Young Justice and you had gotten along well with the team.

 You liked working by yourself or with the other Batgirls. It was awkward being on Young Justice because they knew you were just replacing Tim after he left them to lead a different team. You first met Kon after during a battle. Tim called you in to help them and right when you showed up you got a 5 ft 10 sack of muscle thrown at you.

 He shielded you from the ground when you both slid across the gravel. He had wrapped you in his arms and you buried your head in his chest until you came to a stop. He made a flirty remark followed by a quick wink. You groaned rolling your eyes and dusted yourself off returning to the fight.

"What are you doing!" Tims piercing voice interrupted your thoughts. You looked up at him and the Young Justice team behind him at the entrance of the cave.

"Nothing." You answer nonchalantly brushing your h/c hair out of your face.

He huffs and takes the little gadget out of your hand, "Don't touch my stuff y/n you are going to blow yourself up."

"Sorry." You mumble getting off of Tim's seat.

When you stood his eyes widened and you could see his teammates blush and turn away.  You caught Kon smirking at you while struggling to hold in his laughter. You looked at your own appearance and blushed a bright shade of red seeing your outfit choice. 

Your shirt is one that Conner had gifted you as a joke when you first started dating. It was a blue shirt with his logo on the front that you had cropped. You had paired it with some loose short shorts that may have exposed the bottom of your but. 

In your defense, it was hot in Gotham at the moment and that had caused the cave to shoot up in temperature. You didn't think anyone would be with you so you put on the most comfortable thing you could find. The amount of skin showing wouldn't have been as bad if there weren't hickeys that littered the inside of your thighs as well as your neck. 

You thanked the gods they couldn't see the ones hidden under your shirt and shorts. You slowly walked backward out of the cave not wanting to expose your behind and definitely not wanting them to read the sentence printed of the back of your top. Kon had thought he was being funny when he added ' SuperDaddy' to the back of the shirt. You had laughed at the joke too except now you don't want to see Tims reaction to that. So you inched out of the cave stalking backward and up the stairs before making a break for it into your room.

~~~~

You sat on your bed cuddled into one of Kon's black hoodies and comfy black shorts. Your laptop was on top of your knees as you scrolled through different youtube videos trying to find one that would interest you for a little while. You had locked yourself in your room for the past couple week only leaving for food and patrol. 

You were upset, to say the least. Kon had to go off the planet for a mission. He had been gone for three weeks as of today and you had missed him more than ever. You were doing fine the first week and a half after he was gone. Since he was in space wich ent you couldn't even call him.

 After being away from him you where just craving to be around your handsome boyfriend again. This past week you had been down. Your brothers had noticed your sad demeanor and had started to get worried. 

They had asked Bruce if something was wrong but not even the worlds greatest detective could figure out what was wrong with his adoptive daughter. You had snuck into Kons room stealing his jackets and spraying them with his cologne and as you sat in your bed now you took in his familiar scent as you curled deeper into the sweatshirt. There was a knock at your door. You crawled out of your bed and open the door revealing your beloved butler.

"Hello miss y/n dinner is ready." He smiled.

"Okay, thanks, Alfred."

You followed him down the hall to the dining room. You were surprised when you entered and saw your whole family sitting at the table. It was very rare to get all of you guys at the table together. Even Jason was there sitting across from Tim.

 Dick gave you one of his signature big hugs when you made your way to your seat. He held in his arms in a very comforting way that reminded you of the hug Kon gave you before he left. When he pulled away though he looked a little confused before going back to sit beside Jason and whisper something in his ear. You sat in your normal spot between Tim and Damian across from Dick who was between Jason and Barbra. At the head of the table was Brice with Barbra on one side and Damian on the other. Stephany sat on the other side of Dick across from Duke who was placed between Jason and Cass.

Alfred placed the food down on the table and you all dug in loading up your plates with lots of food. Your siblings all made small talk and you stayed quiet thinking of the one time Kon took you for dinner and you had mashed potatoes that couldn't compare to Alfreds.

"What do you think y/n?" Dick had asked you his big blue eyes gleaming.

"Huh?" you hadn't been paying attention to the conversation they were having.

"What do you think about Tim and Steph dating? I mean Stephanie is your best friend aren't you upset your brother is dating your best friend?" he asked again.

"Oh uhm..." you looked at the couple next to you as they pleaded with big eyes. You didn't know they where dating you guessed that is why everyone was here so that they could announce their big news. It hurt a bit knowing they had kept it from you your two best friends and siblings but you weren't one to talk. "No, it doesn't bother me I know Tim would support me in whoever I dated," you responded hoping that Tim would agree.

He let out a forced laugh," I don't know about that." he exaggerated.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Well me dating Steph is different than you dating my friends," He answered.

"What do you mean it's different?" Jason butted in.

Tim rolled his eyes irritated his family didn't get him, "Well take Conner for example," you tensed at his name," If y/n was dating Kon that is completely different. Because Steph is a nice girl we've known for years. Conner, although he is my best friend, is stubborn and would cause trouble.

 I would not approve of that because he's my teammate I'd have to see him all the time it would be weird he's not allowed to be with my sister. I would have to beat the shit out of him, he's my best friend I don't want to do that," Your face paled as he finished his tangent and the whole table was silent, "But that doesn't matter cause it's not like you're dating Conner " he laughed nervously. His smile fell flat at your silence," Right?".

~~~~

You sat in the lobby of the watchtower as you watched Tim cuss out Kon in front of you. After dinner last night Tim had come to the conclusion you were, in fact, dating his best friend and he was more than mad. His mind went back to the hickeys he saw littering your body weeks ago and shivered at the realization of who put them there. 

Bruce had ordered Clark bring Conner back immediately. Once his feet hit the ground of the watchtower Tim was on him like he was a cup of coffee. He was livid at his ‘best friend’. Not caring about the other leaguers starting to watch. Tim screamed at the boy and he just stood there taking it only flinching at some of Tims harshest words.

 You were restrained by Jason who scowled at the teenage boy waiting for his turn to shoot at him. And he meant literally shoot. When Tim had tired his voice his rage still bubbled and he threw a punch at Superboys head. Kon dodged the punch Tim was tired and his emotions were making him easy to read. The leaguers gasped when Tim tried to fight his friend. You struggled against Jason trying to save your beloved boyfriend from kryptonite to the heart.

"Stop!" Bruce yelled making everyone's head turn. Everyone disbanded except for your family and Clark. "Tim that's enough." Tim stopped fighting taking deep breaths trying to calm his anger. "Look Clark and I have talked and we both agreed that y/n and Conner are both old enough to date each other and we shouldn't get in their way."

"What!" Tim screeched clearly not agreeing

"Timothy calm down." Bruce's stern voice made Tims trap shut, "Of course there will be rules I don't want any doors closed and you can't be alone in the house together but other than that there is no issue." he sighed.

"No! That's not going to stop the B they have already had sex! I saw the hickeys he left her!" Tim was flailing his arms around not noticing the bright red blush that covers both yours and Kons cheeks.

Bruce's eyes narrow at Conner with a murderous glare. "Okay that's it," Jason loaded his gun and aimed it right at the seventeen-year-olds head.

"Woah Woah Woah Woah calm down Jay," Dick grabbed Jasons pistol out of his hands trying to calm everyone. "Y/N is a big girl she can make her own decisions okay."

You took Kon's hand in yours and squeezed it tightly trying to release the stress that came with your family knowing about your relationship with the teen of steel. Damian made his way in front of you both and stared up at your boyfriend with his fathers scowling eyes. "I guess you can suit my sister for now however I do not wish for you to procreate so maybe keep it in your pants Kent." The young boy hissed.

Everyone gasped at Damian's words and you burst out laughing after a couple of seconds of shock. Damian just growled and stomped back to his father grumbling.

You just turn to Kon giving him a kiss that he gladly returns. Your brothers all groan in disgust making you giggle. Even though Tim is upset now you know he is happy that you are happy. Kon is good to you and you really love him so your brothers will get over it eventually until then though you are going to have to deal with the groans.

[jcmorgenstern]

@superohclair oh god okay please know these are all just incoherent ramblings so like, idk, please feel free to add on or ignore me if im just wildly off base but this is a bad summary of what ive been thinking about and also my first titans/batman meta?? (also, hi!)

okay so for the disclaimer round: I am not an actual cultural studies major, nor do I have an extensive background in looking at the police/military industrial complex in media. also my comics knowledge is pretty shaky and im a big noob(I recently got into titans, and before that was pretty ignorant of the dceu besides batman) so I’ll kind of focus in on the show and stuff im more familiar with and apologize in advance?. basically im just a semi-educated idiot with Opinions, anyone with more knowledge/expertise please jump in! this is literally just the bullshit I spat out incoherently off the top of my head. did i mention im a comics noob? because im a comics noob.

so on a general level, I think we can all agree that batman as a cultural force is somewhat on the conservative side, if not simply due to its age and commercial positioning in American culture. there are a lot of challenges and nuances to that and it’s definitely expanding and changing as DC tries to position itself in the way that will...make the most money, but all you have to do is take a gander through the different iterations of the stories in the comics and it’ll smack you in the fucking face. like compare the first iteration of Jason keeping kids out of drugs to the titans version and you’ve got to at least chuckle. at the end of the day, this is a story about a (white male) billionaire who fights crime.

to be fair, I’d argue the romanticization of the police isn’t as aggressive as it could be—they are most often presented as corrupt and incompetent. However, considering the main cop characters depicted like Jim Gordon, the guys in Gotham (it’s been a while since I saw it, sorry) are often the romanticized “good few” (and often or almost always white cis/het men), that’s on pretty shaky ground. I don’t have the background in the comics strong enough to make specific arguments, so I’ll cede the point to someone who does and disagrees, but having recently watched a show that deals excellently with police incompetence, racism, and brutality (7 Seconds on Netflix), I feel at the very least something is deeply missing. like, analysis of race wrt police brutality in any aspect at all whatsoever.

I think it can be compellingly read that batman does heavily play into the military/police industrial complex due to its takes on violence—just play the Arkham games for more than an hour and you’ll know what I mean. to be a little less vague, even though batman as a franchise valorizes “psychiatric treatment” and “nonviolence,” the entire game seems pretty aware it characterizes treatment as a madhouse and nonviolence as breaking someone’s back or neck magically without killing them because you’re a “good guy.” while it is definitely subversive that the franchise even considers these elements at all, they don’t always do a fantastic job living up to them.

and then when you consider the fetishization of tools of violence both in canon and in the fandom, it gets worse. same with prisons—if anything it dehumanizes people in prisons even more than like, cop shows in general, which is pretty impressive(ly bad). like there’s just no nuance afforded and arkham is generally glamorized. the fact that one of the inmates is a crocodile assassin, I will admit, does not help. im not really sure how to mitigate that when, again, one of the inmates is a crocodile assassin, but I think my point still stands. fuck you, killer croc. (im just kidding unfuck him or whatever)

not to take this on a Jason Todd tangent but I was thinking about it this afternoon and again when thinking about that cop scene again and in many ways he does serve as a challenge to both batman’s ideology as well as the ideology of the franchise in general. his depiction is always a bit of a sticking point and it’s always fascinating to me to see how any given adaptation handles it. like Jason’s “”street”” origin has become inseparable from his characterization as an angry, brash, violent kid, and that in itself reflects a whole host of cultural stereotypes that I might argue occasionally/often dip into racialized tropes (like just imagine if he wasn’t white, ok). red hood (a play on robin hood and the outlaws, as I just realized...today) is in my exposure/experience mostly depicted as a villain, but he challenges batman’s no-kill philosophy both on an ethical and practical level. every time the joker escapes he kills a whole score more of innocent people, let alone the other rogues—is it truly ethical to let him live or avoid killing him for the cost of one life and let others die?

moreover, batman’s ““blind”” faith in the justice system (prisons, publicly-funded asylum prisons, courts) is conveniently elided—the story usually ends when he drops bad guy of the day off at arkham or ties up the bad guys and lets the police come etc etc. part of this is obviously bc car chases are more cinematic than dry court procedurals, but there is an alternate universe where bruce wayne never becomes batman and instead advocates for the arkham warden to be replaced with someone competent and the system overhauled, or in programs encouraging a more diverse and educated police force, or even into social welfare programs. (I am vaguely aware this is sometimes/often part of canon, but I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s the main focus. and again, I get it’s not nearly as cinematic).

overall, I think the most frustrating thing about the batman franchise or at least what I’ve seen or read of it is that while it does attempt to deal with corruption and injustice at all levels of the criminal justice system/government, it does so either by treating it as “just how life is” or having Dick or Jim Gordon or whoever the fuckjust wipe it out by “eliminating the dirty cops,” completely ignoring the non-fantasy ways these problems are dealt with in real life. it just isn’t realistic. instead of putting restrictions on police violence or educating cops on how to use their weapons or putting work into eradicating the culture of racism and prejudice or god basically anything it’s just all cinematized into the “good few” triumphing over the bad...somehow. its always unsatisfying and ultimately feels like lip service to me, personally.

this also dovetails with the very frustrating way mental health/”insanity” or “madness” is dealt with in canon, very typical of mainstream fiction. like for example:“madness is like gravity, all it takes is a little push.” yikes, if by ‘push’ you mean significant life stressors, genetic load, and environemntal influences,  then sure. challenge any dudebro joker fanboy to explain exactly what combination of DSM disorders the joker has to explain his “””insanity””” and see what happens. (these are, in fact, my plans for this Friday evening. im a hit at parties).

anyway I do really want to wax poetic about that cop scene in 1x06 so im gonna do just that! honestly when I first saw that I immediately sat up like I’d sat on a fucking tack, my cultural studies senses were tingling. the whole “fuck batman” ethos of the show had already been interesting to me, esp in s1, when bruce was basically standing in for the baby boomers and dick being our millennial/GenX hero. I do think dick was explicitly intended to appeal to a millennial audience and embody the millennial ethos. By that logic, the tension between dick and Jason immediately struck me as allegorical (Jason constantly commenting on dick being old, outdated, using slang dick doesn’t understand and generally being full of youthful obnoxious fistbumping energy).

Even if subconsciously on the part of the writers, jason’s over-aggressive energy can be read as a commentary on genZ—seen by mainstream millennial/GenX audiences as taking things too far. Like, the cops in 1x06 could have been Nick Zucco’s hired men or idk pretty much anyone, yet they explicitly chose cops and even had Jason explain why he deliberately went after them for being cops so dick (cop) could judge him for it. his rationale? he was beaten up by cops on the street, so he’s returning the favor. he doesn’t have the focused “righteous” rage of batman or dick/nightwing towards valid targets, he just has rage at the world and specifically the system—framed here as unacceptable or fanatical. as if like, dressing up like a bat and punching people at night is, um, totally normal and uncontroversial.

on a slightly wider scope, the show seems to internally struggle with its own progressive ethos—on the one hand, they hire the wildly talented chellah man, but on the other hand they will likely kill him off soon. or they cast anna diop, drawing wrath from the loudly racist underbelly of fandom, but sideline her. perhaps it’s a genuine struggle, perhaps they simply don’t want to alienate the bigots in the fanbase, but the issue of cops stuck out to me when I was watching as an social issue where they explicitly came down on one side over the other. jason’s characterization is, I admit and appreciate, still nuanced, but I’d argue that’s literally just bc he’s a white guy and a fan favorite. cast an actor of color as Jason and see how fast fandom and the writer’s room turns on him.

anyway i don’t really have the place to speak about what an explicitly nonwhite!cop!dick grayson would look like, but I do think it would be a fascinating and exciting place to start in exploring and correcting the kind of vague and nebulous complaints i raise above. (edit: i should have made more clear, i mean in the show, which hasn’t dealt with dick’s heritage afaik). also, there’s something to be said about the cop vs detective thing but I don’t really have the brain juice or expertise to say it? anyway if you got this far i hope it was at least interesting and again pls jump in id love to hear other people’s takes!!

tldr i took two (2) cultural studies classes and have Opinions